natural parenting center

happy solstice

The Solstice elves visited us today and left sparkles and other forms of magic. Good thing, too, cause i have been saaaaaadddddd and utterly dissatisfied. In such a funk that I almost wrote you to ask you to read back to me everything I've mentioned about joy. heehee.

Then, I came upon this:

Don't grieve.

Anything you lose comes

round in another form.

The child weaned from mother's milk

now drinks wine and honey mixed.

Kabir

How is it that I EVER lose site of the beauty that pulses and thrums inside every single thing?

giveaway from Hand Full

LAST CHANCE TO WIN...ONE MORE HOUR AND WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

Two mamas making the yummiest clothes for kids ever.  Their name is Hand Full which stands for Hand Made Full of Love!

This is how they describe what they do:

Welcome to hand full where we mindfully create handmade organic clothing dedicated to our playful children.

We hand-dye organic cotton/hemp blends in knit, stretch, and fleece to create these fun clothes. If you have not handled this type of fabrics you will be pleasantly surprised of the soft and cozy texture. Our sizes our roomy to grow as your children do and our clothes look great layered.

Visit us on our blog: http://www.handmadefulloflove.blogspot.com

They include gratitudes each blog post, which I love. And if you want to learn more about them (they are so adorable AND inspiring, these crafty mamas,  I just cannot get enough, then check out this interview.

We are so grateful to be connected with them and have them offer support for this blog! Because this is such a juicy giveaway (valued at $67), comments will be open until Solstice. I will announce the winner that night or the next morning. Good luck!

Here is the giveaway they are offering...Size 3 Childrens Organic Poncho.  Hand-dyed and made with Organic Cotton and Hemp Blend Fleece.

AND THE WINNER IS CARRIE:

i love a poncho oops too small for me my sweet baby girl hopefully will love ponchos as much as i have for 42 years xxcarrie

CONGRATULATIONS. Thank you Susan and Rebecca and to everyone who joined in the fun. Send me an email with your address, Carrie and we will ship that gorgeous poncho your way! kris@feeleez.com

a lion of courage

This time of year is full.

I talk so much about joy here...finding your joy, living your joy, allowing joy. Yes.

AND then there is the dark side of grief. loss. emptiness.

Joy and sorrow. Can we stretch ourselves into both corners, feel fully everything as it arises, without judgment or fixing? Joy is the easy part. Can we make space for its shadow?

Tonite, I am acutely aware of dear ones going through brutally tough times and I want to honour your struggle here.

:: Kelli in New Orleans watching your 10 year old son undergo painful, invasive medical testing to find out what the next round of treatments/plan/outlook is with the  Hirschprungs disease you live with.

:: Heidi full of pain for past hurts, struggling to find peace with yourself, sad and frustrated and despairing that you are in this place, longing to just love yourself.

:: Elaine approaching the date of your son's brain surgery after months and months of sorrow and work,  empty of peace and joy, exhausted, yearning for your own healing too.

:: Amy's sweet baby Gabe is in the hospital with pneumonia.

:: and for every mama who is caring for a sick child, mourning, exhausted, lonely, overwhelmed with too much to do, ending a relationship, missing someone you love, sad, wishing things were different...

It is hard to lean into the darkness, to let it have its way with us.

When Death Comes - Mary Oliver

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut:
when death comes
like the measles - pox;

when death comes
like an iceburg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
as I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

~ Mary Oliver

giveaway from Walking Stick Toys

Oh my oh my how I love this shop. If you are looking for any last minute gift ideas, do visit. We are fortunate enough here in Missoula to get to visit Erika in person, but the store does have an online 
presence, so you can enjoy too!

Erika is a mama to two beautiful boys. She has created quite a hub in our community in the warm and inviting store. So many gorgeous natural toys:  instruments, art supplies, silks, waldorf dolls, building blocks, riding things, and more.  There is a big play area in the back where mamas and kiddos often connect and play together.

Erika has been a supporter of Feeleez and NPC since the very beginning, carrying the game and poster and offering giveaways on this blog. We are so grateful. Once again, she has something to share. You can enter to win this toy

Isn't it sweet? I was going to wait until the weekend then realized that you might want to send it off to someone you love for a holiday treat, so here it is! Simply enter a comment below and you will be part of the draw. I will announce the winner here tomorrow so please check back to see if you've won.

If you are looking for any gift ideas, please check out all of the NPC sponsors. There are some wonderful things there for you. We are so grateful to them for being part of this blog, sharing their thoughtfully created businesses with all of us.

Thank you Walking Stick Toys.

And the winner is

Rebecca LeVander

I LOVE natural toys. I have one toddler and a baby due in 3 weeks who would love this.

Congratulations and thank you Erika and everyone who commented. We have another amazing giveaway coming up (thanks to Handfull) which I'm so excited about.

simply

Here are a few snaps of life around here these past few days...

mom, that's how i was feeling

This is when it really matters...your dedication to keeping the holidays simple and sweet.

Let the frenzy just wash right over you and pass on by.

Start creating a list of what you will NOT be doing, even though you might have loved to.

I've been reminding myself that things will not create lasting happiness, so let there be a few material delights and then an enormous, unwavering gush of loving energy flowing from you outward into the world. THAT is what matters.

Let it stay simple. Really, it's more than ok.

Thank you all for writing your thoughts about what you are needing through holidays. I'm going to pause the 21 Day  Parenting Challenge until the new year, though I will continue to post through the holidays because this may be the time we need each other most!  Natalie and I are working on a post (hoping to make it with audio, though these technical things stump me) about how to enjoy visits with family and navigate challenges that arise. Wishing you love.

community forum

oh dear. We are sick sick sick around here. Three out of four are not well at all and I'm holding out. Mama can't get sick, right?

So this will be short (everyone is asleep right now), but I wanted to tell you that we have a forum!

connections

Let me know if this link takes you there (it's all so fresh). And if this is helpful for us! I quickly started two discussion topics and also wanted to start 21 day Challenge as another one so you can share what you are discovering. You can start any topics that interest you as well. If there is a need for this, then it will flourish, if not, it won't. Fine, fine either way.

Well, peace and health to you! I hope to be back tomorrow for more...

(oh another question...would you like to pause the challenge until the new year?)

Day Seven: 21 Day Parenting Challenge

Challenge: Mourning unmet needs.

A very pregnant woman falls and breaks her wrist three days before going into labour and giving birth to a beautiful girl. Tomorrow, she leaves her one week old baby and her toddler for the day to undergo surgery to repair the bad break.

She is so sad.

This is not how she wanted it to be.

Oh sweet life. You can be so hard sometimes. Beautiful and full of grit.

When you reflect back on your life, what are some of the hurts that you carry with you from needs that went unmet? Create a list and spend some time just being with the feelings that arise.

What needs go unmet for you now? What are the longings that you hold dear that will never be met in this lifetime?

:: having the baby girl or baby boy that you never got

:: wanting more children than you are able to have, because of your age, your partner, your body or life circumstances

:: health for your children who right now have an uncertain future, full of doctors and surgery and interventions that are scary and hard

:: a partner who sees you for who you are, listens and understands

:: money and financial ease

:: parents who are willing to learn about how you parent and why and who want to become that way too

:: parents who loved you unconditionally, who could have given you that unwavering sense of self that you so long for now but didn't

:: a partner, someone to love and raise your children with, instead of being alone

:: a community of likeminded people who get you, love you, accept you, and inspire you

:: a best friend

:: a childhood that was innocent and free and supportive and creative and hopeful

:: the loss of someone you adore

:: a body that moves freely and without pain, that is strong and capable

:: sleep and exercise and sitting down for a whole meal that is eaten slowly, savouring.

What grief lies inside you that is calling for you to give space to? It can be so scary to fully feel our grief, to mourn our losses and disappointments. We would rather bury it under being busy or numb it with our drug of choice. Of course. Sad is hard.

And beautiful, rich, essential. When we give ourselves the space to feel these feelings, to mourn our unmet needs either from way back or just from this morning, we feel more alive. When we bury them and carry them around as baggage, we live with an underlying rage, anger, frustration. We are so much more easily triggered by our children, taking out on them what is ours and ours alone.

Be a nurturing parent to yourself through this. Let go of any critical thoughts towards yourself (I should have gotten over that, I should just forgive him, stop whining and get on with it, this isn't that big of a deal). These will not serve you. What would the most loving, accepting mama say to you? How would she treat you as you feel your feelings of grief?

She would hold you and murmur in your ear, Yes, yes, it is so hard. I'm here, sweetness. I'm right here.

Day Six: 21 Day Parenting Challenge

Oh friends. Hello again.

I'm so so glad to be here with you.

Today's challenge: make feeling joy your focal point.

If someone someone in a lab coat showed up and scientifically charted your life over the last several days or weeks, collecting data on your actions, moods, communication, what would that person say was your priority, your focal point?

::getting stuff done?

::cleaning and organizing?

::planning?

::wishing?

If we don't make joy a conscious decision, then what is our default? What is the unconscious fall-back (especially when we are under stress or super busy?)

Here are some things that I know about joy.

:: it is deeper and more meaningful than simply being happy

:: you can be grieving something with all your heart and still be experiencing joy

:: joy is living fully each moment and accepting it completely as it is

:: it is not attached to a particular set of circumstances (sunny day, clean house, getting praise or compliments, completing your to-do list, cooperative children)

:: the best way to get to joy is in choosing thoughts that feel good

:: this will be the most valuable thing we ever do for our children: living life with joy at the center

So, here's an example.

Today, it was beautiful and cold outside with a huge dump of fresh, sparkling, light snow. Elliott and Tim were outside first thing in the morning and I wanted to go out with them. Sascha didn't want to go. Hmm. I told her about what it would be like out there for us-sledding, playing with Papa and Elliott, eating snow.  I asked her if she wanted to choose particular clothes instead of what I was offering. I told her that I really wanted to go out and asked her if she would be willing to come.

No. She was firm.

I could feel the four walls closing in on me. My thoughts started to take me down the darker road...I never get to go out in the morning, I'm sick of being inside, I want to go out in the fresh air, it's not fair that Tim gets to go...blah blah blah.  What these thoughts lead to is coercion and forcing.

So, deep breath. When things aren't going the way I think I need them to go to be happy (eg kids not doing what I want them to do), the two most profound thoughts that guide me to higher ground are as follows:

1.  This child needs something from this experience. Staying inside and following her lead will nurture her and allow her to follow her inner guidance, her heart, her own joy in that moment. Ahhh. That is the kind of mama I want to be. I can't make her do anything anyways, so let go and be here.

2. What is happening is what I need to. I may not think it's what I need, but it is. My little mind does not actually know best. This moment, as it is, knows best. There is something here for me and I am going to let it in by letting go of my struggle to make it different. Ahhh.

Oh sweet relief. I sat down and we read books and she crossed her eyes and did her little tiptoe dance and I laughed.  We drank tea.  And later, we went outside and that was beautiful too.

Day Five: 21 Day Parenting Challenge

 

Alright, dear friends. How are you all doing with this Conscious Parenting Challenge?

Me thinks it's time for a wee review.

Day One: Change. It takes more than mere knowledge or information to make deep changes. You thought about what it is that you want to change, what you want more of.

Day Two: Bleachers. Who are you trying to please? Who is sitting in your bleachers evaluating your every move? What voices do you hear that influence how you act, decisions you make during the day?

Day Three: Decluttering. What is clogging up your physical space that you can get rid of? What tasks do you spend time on that are merely clutter? What thoughts jabber away in your mind that keep you from feeling spacious and present?

Day Four: Cozy. What habits are you holding onto for the sake of comfort? I talked about letting go of reward/punishment in this post, and maybe there are other unquestioned assumptions and practices that need to go. What old comforts are you clinging to in your parenting? 

So here we are. Ahhh. It is a busy time of year and here you are diving into this challenge regardless. I am smiling right now thinking about you doing this. I can feel your longing for change and your hunger for more presence and ease. Everything you come to here, or from any book or other source of inspiration is just a reminder of what you already know. Peeling away the layers of what other people think, how other people do it, how you were raised, what society tells you and seeing what's beneath all that. Trusting your deepest self.

Yes. To get you closer to that wisdom, a practical exercise for today's lesson.

Day Five: Throw away your first impulse.

Your first response, thought, reaction (as in first few seconds) is junk. It is your old programming, the conditioned and habitual response which comes from a very unintelligent part of you, the reptillian chunk of the brain.

When you are triggered by something your children do or say, you are in reaction mode. One simple way to get some space from that and begin to respond consciously is to just not respond for first few seconds. Close your eyes and take a breath, and then FORGET whatever it was that was running through your mind. Tell yourself, "that's just the old story, I want a fresh response"

These old stories belong to characters that were programmed into us early on: the victim, the cynic, the fearful, the rager, the pleaser, the judge, the stoic.

They cause unconscious reactions with other adults such as:

::saying what you think other person wants to hear

::getting other person to feel sorry for you

::not trusting because they are just out to get me

::backing off because they are just trying to sell me something

With our children, these unconscious thought reactions such as:

:: you are just trying to manipulate me

:: who do you think you are

:: why don't you listen to me or do what I say (said with victim-y tone)

:: you have no idea how good you have it

:: you little (fill in the blank with demeaning label)

We are learning a whole new language of compassion and unconditional love. First we learn to speak it and as we become fluent, we will think this way too. In the meantime, throw away your first reaction.

Wait for the wisdom to rise to the surface. It will because it lives in every single one of you.

may i...

one sweet moment.

i see that i am given a thousand of these every day.

may i let every one of them in to work their magic on my soul.