Sitting in the middle of throngs of people at the Saturday Farmer's Market, my usual response is mild panic and slight overhwelm. When there is chaos around me and lots going on, I get more controlling of what''s in my sphere, namely these children.
Ick.
It simply NEVER feels good to get irritated, clamp down, get angry, rush and cajole and insist. There's something I'm thinking in those moments that isn't true. That's what suffering is, a confused belief. Going on a hunt for that belief and why it's there and what it means isn't much use. Inviting it to change and releasing it for something better is.
Today, I could feel myself trust Life. That simple phrase changed everything. Life has my back. I closed my eyes periodically to reduce the stimulation and felt much calmer. I kept my attention on the grass under my knees, breathing, the sounds everywhere, and my children racing around. I let myself believe that departure would happen, that things would turn out. That's the "work" part, that's the discipline and the only job for my will. Before I was giving my will the job of changing outer conditions. Actually, that part is not up to me.
With this shift, I felt gentle...and kind. I let myself be who I want to be.
Today, it was something small...a busy market. Someday it will be something else. It doesn't matter, and actually, to Life there isn't even small or big. It's all the same....
Question is...are you gonna choose to trust the grand forces of chaos which made you and these children and this day and is creating every NOW? Or not?
