non-violent communication

By the way, we will close comments tomorrow night (WED)and announce the winner for the Feeleez game. Simply comment on this post or yesterday's for your chance to win.

Oh my. I have been engaged in more rich, rich connections through the non-violent communication parenting group that I joined a couple of years ago. It is a yahoo group, open to anyone, and I highly recommend it if you are interested in practicing NVC, receiving empathy, offering your support and asking your questions. It is a sweet, safe place for learning one of the most powerful tools for parenting (and living!) that I have come across.

Here is the Center for NonViolent Communication home page. And,here is where to sign up for parenting email group.

Some beauty words that someone recently posted...

I think people participating in this loop are looking for a new and better way to help our children become mature kind, caring and unselfish grownups. It makes me feel better when I replace the modeling I received as a child with conscious presence and knowledge about what a child feels and needs.

She is referring to being with her grandson.

During the next few years I want to overlook, from a punitive perspective, as much as possible any behaviors that might be considered uncaring, unkind or selfish because I believe he is not ready to be looking at his own behavior. I want to create an environment that is safe, reassuring and loving. I want to model the kindness, caring and selflessness I want to see in him when he is an adult. I want to show him empathy when he is uncaring, unkind or selfish. I want to imprint of his mind my face loving him in every instance.

I believe that caring, kindness and unselfishness are the results of modeled caring, kindness and unselfishness. Asking him to act in a way that is counter to his feelings is denying who he is at this stage of his development and asking him to “act” in a way that pleases me and makes me feel comfortable is abusive. It is my fear that this can lead to excessive narcissism in his adult life.

When I see my child in distressing situations I ask myself if I have created an environment that is appropriate for his developmental needs. Am I asking him to be who I want him to be instead of who he is? Am I doing to him what was done to me instead of applying NVC principles? What am I modeling?

Isn't that lovely?

It was snowing here today. From popsicles in the hammock to down jackets getting wet. Yes. Allowing everything to be as it is. Every day gives us the chance to practice that.

Comments

[Sarah]

Kris,

Thanks! I found the song, it is called "Thank U." Love the lyrics...

My girls are Reeve, 3 (in March) and Anna, 5 (next week).

Snowing in Bozeman this morning..again! We're headed to the hot springs...

Sarah

[klaroche]

HI Sarah:
What a treat to hear from you. I'm so glad you are here. Yes..this return to winter is so strange, isn't it? Especially after that taste of summer weather. How old are your girls? I don't have the cover to the Alanis CD, so I can't find what the name of the song is! Shoot. The CD has her lying on her side, naked and it's song number three. If I find out more, I will let you know. The chorus says 'thank you...' lot, so I'm wondering if that is in title. Anyways...thanks for being here. With love to you and your family.kris

[Sarah]

Kris,

I just discovered your blog via your post on the NVC yahoo group, and am so glad I did! It will become a daily read for me.

As a fellow Montanan (Bozeman), looking at 6 inches of fresh snow outside, I am connecting with you on the practice of staying in the moment of WHAT IS. Knowing that both my girls and I are desperate for days spent outside in the sandbox, on bikes, in the sun, but the snow keeps coming.

Thanks for your beautiful blog. And by the way, what Alanis Morisette song is that quote from?

Sarah