Recent life.
It's been awhile since I've posted. I'm always a little slow getting used to the new technology. So, here we are. Feeling very happy to be back here with you.
Excited to share some wise words from an incredible mama who is also a
Zen priest.
Sascha in the garden.
After a trip to the bakery.
Playing with the new kitchen set from Joel.
Karen is the author of Mama Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, a book I found early on and adored! Here is her blog, called Cheerio Road (isn't that great?)
She kindly agreed to answer some questions...
What guides you during your tough parenting moments?
The hardest moments of parenting are inevitably those which already carry
intense thoughts and feelings. That is, I'm thinking, "I can't do this! I'm
angry! I don't like you! What now? Let me out of here! Help!" Difficulty is
always the product of our negative thoughts and feelings, which compound the
confusion or fatigue we are experiencing. So the most powerful guide is the
breath. That's right: simple breathing. The breath is already available to us as
the body's magical balancing and restorative process. We do not need to develop
it or attain it. But when we are stressed, we often forget to breathe. We hold
our breath just as we hold our anger and upset: in the body. So bringing
awareness to the breath, it naturally releases into a deep and even flow. We
feel more relaxed. And then we can face more clearly the situation that appears
before us.
What helps you be present?
Getting out of my head: letting my
angry thoughts about the past, or anxious worries about the future, simply
dissipate by themselves. (They do. Thinking creates more thinking, so let
thoughts vanish by themselves by not spinning them). Once again, the technique
to accomplish this is the timeless tool of all spiritual traditions: the
breath.
What are the obstacles to being present?
My thoughts and
feelings. We often mistakenly think that distractions are events that occur
outside of us. But our distractions always occur inside our heads, as we judge
or analyze what occurs in front of us. We lose awareness of the present when we
become involved in our own internal commentary about what we like, don't like,
want, don't want, agree or disagree with.
What is it about Zen that calls to you?
The quiet. To the beginner, silent
meditation in a quiet place eliminates the environmental distractions we are so
annoyed by. But quite soon in doing meditation you realize that all the noise
and distraction is in your own head! So then you can begin to work on quieting
the true annoyance, the true distraction, which is your egocentric thinking.
What connection do you see between parenting and spirituality?
First, parenting is an invitation
to cultivate the spiritual foundation of your life, but parenting itself should
not be considered a form of spirituality. Parenting gives us a powerful
motivation, the most powerful motivation of all: pure love. But without another
serious and disciplined form of practice, our own egos will prevail in
parenting. We will return, again and again, to anger, anxiety and fear, and we
will imprint our fear on our children.
Through our own habits of thought, conditioned by our entire lifetime, we
have become very good at being fearful, angry. greedy and anxious. Like any
habit, it is changed only with consistent effort. A spiritual practice replaces
a bad habit, one that is harmful, with another healthy and positive habit.
I always encourage people to find a spiritual guide or teacher
(face-to-face) and a community (a church or practice center) to give consistent
direction and support to spiritual life. We are deceiving ourselves if we do it
alone. Alone, we will never leave our limited comfort zone, which is ironically
where we are most uncomfortable!
In Zen we practice not to attain a
certain experience, but rather to wake up over and over and over again. This is
true awakening.
How does someone get started with a practice?
We all start where we are. I
picked up books and found others. I have not read Tolle nor do I know
Adyashanti. But eventually you will feel a longing to practice. It must be
manifested as practice or it is just more egocentric, intellectual, conceptual
thought. A teacher who does not encourage you to practice is no teacher, and the
words are meaningless until you realize them yourself through practice. After I
had read books, bought a zafu, and begun sitting for myself, I sought out a
teacher (Maezumi Roshi, who was alive then, living in California although I was
in Texas.) I traveled to my first meditation retreat saying "I just want someone
to show me how to sit." I felt rather fraudulent doing it only by myself. I was
afraid to meet a real teacher, but of course on arrival I did. Once you meet a
real teacher, there is no mistaking your practice home. After that, the Dharma,
the teaching, unfolds and your life unfolds by itself. You no longer have to
wonder what to do or where it will lead. You simply do your practice and see how
things go.
What we pay
attention to naturally grows and thrives. What we do not pay attention to
withers and dies. By paying more attention to my spiritual life, it developed.
Other things fell away. It does not require a discriminating choice. It happens
by itself naturally. But it once again it requires that we be very honest with
ourselves about what we want to pay attention to, and that we do no harm to
others.
