the best possible feeling

Imagine this:

You are being evaluated for something REALLY important to you, perhaps a job that you love more than any job, ever. You walk into the office of the one who holds all the power, and you sit down. You are waiting to hear that person's opinion of you.  You sense that there are some things that maybe she doesn't like or wants you to change so you've been obsessing about it for several days, mentally listing all the things about yourself that could be considered "wrong".  Or maybe the scenerio is your relationship where you are going out for dinner to talk about how things are going with this person you are so madly in love with. Your mate said, there are some things about you that I'd like to talk about.  You feel scared.

Then that person says to you:

You are perfect. In every way.  Don't change anything. There is nothing you can ever do wrong.  It is not possible for you to mess up in any way, ever. 

Just stop and close your eyes and let that sink in for a minute. 
You are perfect.
You are perfect.
You are perfect.

Now imagine that is true, regardless of what anyone ever says or doesn't say or seems to think about you.

Now believe it.

This is unconditional love. This is what it feels like. Holy shit, right? What does that feel like? What does that make possible for you? How would you act now? What would you do every day?

Now, give that to your kids. They are just as perfect as you are. 

What does that look like?

::never using rewards, bribes, punishments, threats.  They will think they are only lovable when they meet your expectations if you do.  They will sell their soul to get your approval, then their peers' approval.

::talk about your feelings and ask them about theirs.  When you want to resort to the above methods, say how you are feeling instead. 

::make requests..."are you willing to?"  They won't always be, but if you have a strong relationship, they will help you because they want to.

::express your love when they are doing things you don't like.  "I'm so frustrated right now because you don't want to get in the car seat and GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I COULD BURST"

and much more to come...

Here is something else...if you ever think that being a full-time, full-on parent doesn't mean anything.

Parenting-A Radical Act

Happy Sunday to you all. I will be celebrating the day with my two lovelies since Papa is away working, hoping for a birthday swim in the river.

Comments

[Linda]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to my lovely daughter. Mom