Thank you Marirose for sharing these thoughts with us...I want to share them with all of you, hoping they offer you something of value...
I just wanted to thank you for your two posts, "ask us-swearing, scolding, (etc.)" and the one the one about being perfect. They came at just the right time for me.
I, like Penny, was a little disoriented by the conversation Natalie and Echo had about leaving in the minivan. After I read your (I'm assuming you, Natalie and Nathan wrote it together) response to Penny's questions, I understood why I found Natalie's post so confusing! Obviously, I didn't have the whole picture, and that's what I needed; a little more info and a gentle reminder.
One of my first reactions to the minivan incident in the Feeleez blog was, "why couldn't she just kindly and gently help Echo into the carseat? Why did this have to go on for half an hour?" After that, I thought, "Wow, I try really hard to be a good parent and have "failed" so many times. I think it's important to keep trying, but if this is being a good parent, I can't hang with these folks! They have something I just don't even know HOW to have!" I even considered unsubscribing to the blog, I felt so bad. Wow! Talk about beating onesself up!
I realize now that this is why these two blogs are so meaningful to me -- they really help me to think about what and who I am to my family and myself.
After reading the "swearing, scolding" post, I finally understood why the "minivan incident" happened, and was able to find it amusing! Before, I was thinking from the perspective of "parent-in-charge," a mindset which I struggle with trying to break out of. Thanks for reminding me about unconditional love. Why does it so easily slip away from me, I wonder?
I have been thinking so much about the "you are perfect" post. When I read it, it brought tears to my eyes. I'm crying right now just thinking of it! Since then, I've been reminding myself that I am perfect, and it feels so good! It's even helped me to be kinder to my family and to curb my criticism of them.
Your (NPC and Feeleez) posts help me to have the dialog, even if mostly with myself! that I have been craving for several years. All the Waldorf, NVC, and Alfie Kohn, etc. books I've read have helped me in my parenting journey, but these blogs have really encouraged me to think hard in a more "real" way. I hope this makes sense.
Warmly, Marirose
P.S. I actually loved the part when Echo was swearing! I remember Finn going through a "what the hell?!" period when he was about 2.5, too. My 2 older kids can both use "fucking" in context. I just remind them that we don't talk that why around other people because they don't appreciate it. Thank goodness Echo wasn't scolded!
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