siblings

We have been having such a fun time with modeling beeswax. We've been using this stuff.

It's one of those ideal things where everyone gets something desirable out of the experience. Elliott gets more hockey (he'll take any version available), I get to make something with my hands, working the wax slowly, until it is warm, then molding it into different shapes, Elliott and Papa get to draw the rink together and talk about that, and Saschy girl...

Right. Not quite ideal, I guess. There is this. The younger sibling so wanting to be part of it all but not quite having what it takes...the dexterity or delicacy, coordination, know-how, or whatever. He just doesn't want her to play with this.

Sibling stuff is big. It can wear a mama or papa down faster than pretty much anything else, I think. It is tough not to be triggered by one human that you totally adore and love and want to protect hurting another human that you totally adore and love and want to protect. It kind of splits you in pieces.

So what is that trigger spot and how do we de-trigger ourselves? How do we navigate the landscape of our children's relationships with each other? How do we hold space for our own feelings about it all as it unfolds, sometimes violently, right before us?

It may sound like I'm leading up to a nice, tidy answer, or a list of sorts (which I seem prone to do on so many posts), but I just don't think that exists. If you read a formula for sibling relationships anywhere, I'd be wary.

Here is what I do know: there is enough love for everyone, even when there isn't enough lap space or arms to hold or creative ideas to satisfy everyone at once. And what this looks like is empathy for them and empathy for you. Lots and lots and lots of it. 

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Comments

[Marja]

I just started reading this blog when I followed the link from Soule Mama's blog a short while ago. And, I am so so glad I found you! I love it. Exactly what I need, so inspiring and affirming.

Siblings...lately I've been trying to just be at peace with the conflicts, because I CAN'T just fix it all the time, right away, and that's ok. I like your thoughts on this.

[carrie]

the most challenging part of parenting for me.
the one that takes me from zero to 100 in a moment.
i hope you keep exploring this as i am looking for ways to de-trigger my response.
xxxcarrie

[Ivy]

Oh those sibling relationships. They get you every time! I find we struggle with trying so hard not to create sibling rivalry, and that we work and work and work to make sure that the middle child (we have three) doesn't feel, well like the middle child. And yet, it's there, most especially with the middle kid. I wish there really were a set of instructions to make it all work. But I think sibling relationships may well be the messiest of them all (but then, I'm an only child. :-)).