when people criticize your parenting ways

NPC is receiving some challenging and confrontation comments, these days. I waver between thinking 'oooh this is so fun and interesting' and 'holy shit this is terrifying'. With all that, a little grounding is in order.

Why am I doing this blog anyways? (I say "I" because for now, I'm the main writer, but "I" is mostly "we" because the NPC team weighs in regularly.) Putting myself OUT THERE? It's not because I want an intellectual debate about it. I have ZERO interest in defending myself. I love talking about it and answering questions and pondering with others. And...what matters is that each of us find what resonates for us, and that we dive into that. Use your feelings as your guide, always. That's true for food choices, mates, career, how you move about in the world, hobbies, and how you choose to raise your children. It this resonates, even bits and pieces of it, then stay.  If not, then don't. I wish you well, either way.

In the meantime, there is so much to to feel gratitude about (nothing like gratitude to get you back rooted):

::Natalie who came with us to the dentist today and knew to bring balloons to keep Saschy happy.

::taking delight in ordinary things like bubbles for the bath, and fresh vegetables, or finding inspiration from others who do the same like this joyful ordinary blog

::being challenged and knowing that no matter what anyone ever says, I am solid, to the core (and so are you)

::sinking into what feels good to me (and connecting with others who support, encourage and  advance this parenting path that feels so good of love and connection...like Pam Leo, Gordon Neufeld, Alfie Kohn, Naomi Aldort, Robin Grille, Joseph Chilton Pearce and Michael Mendizza, Scott Noelle,  Inbal Kashtan,  Ingrid Bauer,  Jan Hunt and on and on. 

::returning again and again to your center...who you are, what you care about, why you do what you do.

Comments

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[thecrayonbox.wordpress.com]

I am so glad I found this blog through Soulemama. I needed this blog at the exact moment I found it. I have always been a pretty thoughtful parent... until this month! My children, 6 and 1 have been at each other day and night. I was quickly turning into a mommy I did not like. This blog has helped me get centered again and I am so thankful to you! Now we are able to calmly work on respecting each other again.

I am sorry to hear that you are under scrutiny of others. Just keep being true to you and your family. You seem wonderful!

[Alyssa]

Kris-
Thank you, thank you! We did some yoga this morning and she was thrilled. So many good ideas to help inspire us. We've been signing a little bit with her - "more" and "milk"....She isn't signing back to us but pauses each time we sign to her. If you have any resources on this please share...I have moments where I think "Hmmm...this isn't working" when I sign with her but I try to drop those thoughts as quickly as they come up.
Thanks again!

[kris laroche]

HI Alyssa:
OH I love your question. And thank you so much for your kind words.
My own response to your question would be the following:
1. carry your baby as much as you can. She will get plenty of just the right kind of stimulation and input from watching you move about in the world.
2. create shakers/rattles/combinations of things to play with just from household items. beans, popcorn, rice, sealed into different containers, pots, bowls, spoons,all that stuff. I'm sure you do that already, but children love to play with what we actually use, so no need for anything fancy.
3. lots of rolling around with you, physical touch, holding, dancing, eye contact, talking, singing, yoga together, that kind of thing. she mostly needs you. your love, your presence.
4. sign language. do you know much about baby sign language? let me know if you want some resources for that. we have been wanting to post videos about it since nathan is very knowledgeable and skilled at it, so maybe you will be our push to do it! 9 months is a wonderful age to really start using it a lot.
Those are my thoughts. Let me know how that suits you.
thanks!
with love, kris

[Alyssa]

Hi!

I like reading this blog because I enjoy reading your perspective on parenting...and I love all of the gems you share which make me.remember.to.breathe...and look around. Something I've been thinking about recently that I want to ask about is - Do you have recommendations for books/websites which list or illustrate activities I can engage in with my 9 month old daughter? I feel very uncreative in this department. Anything would be helpful...especially as we move into these winter months. Thanks!

[I.]

kris,
i love your blog and its warmth and its everyday examples help me so much day after day! I smiled reading your nakey-naked post as we had gone thru the exact same moment the day before with our 2yo and i was so glad i allowed him to chose when he was ready to get dressed.
it must be so hard to have to read judgmental comments and to feel judged like that.I really feel for you.

On both my Conscious Parents yahoogroup and my blog there are 'Reading Pacts' where it is written 1)how important it for these spaces to be safe spaces where no one gets judged and 2)please no unsollicited advice/interpretation/opinion's debate, even well meant.

i feel that for me it definitely helped to have a framework to which one can refer and within which one can feel safe of all the judgements we experience all too often in real life.

boy how i wish you lived in my neighborhood!!
Isabelle

[Abbeyshane]

I wanted to thank you for what I'm assuming is a response to my somewhat vague question (7 recommendations in response to the question "How do I connect with my 4 year old"). Anyways, they are very specific, logical and HELPFUL! I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and find regular encouragement from it. So please be encouraged!

[Asha]

I think it's a small amount of parents that don't explain things to their children. That's a natural thing when explaining to a child why they shouldn't do something. Face paintings and going outside naked are two drastic things. Explaining to a child that they may be stared at by others is innocent enough, harmless, whatever choice that child makes will be harmless. I like a good face painting. But explaining to a toddler that if she goes out naked, she will be cold and letting her make that choice is um, insane. Of course she's going to do what she wants, to go out naked. Giving children too much power is dangerous.

[Joanna Smetanka]

I commented just now, but it didn't post. So here goes again. Right on Kris! What I get from your blog is inspiration, compassion, information, and really good feeling! It always grounds me to read what you have to say, you do an awesome job of reminding me what is truly important. So, thank you.

[Rebecca]

I just started reading your blog after seeing you on Soule Mama. I love what you have to share and I find it very inspirational! Please keep sharing and doing what feels right to you as a parent. Your blog helps me to be the best parent and I think I've been a much better and 'in the moment' parent the last few days because of what you share. I appreciate you and all you offer here. Thanks!