Day Two: who are you trying to please

As you've been pondering what you want, and continue to do so, be sure to take time to get yourself into the feeling place of what you want. In other words, what would that give you to have that? I encourage you to constantly ask yourself that about anything you think you want or need. Imagine what it would be like to already have it.

Imagine you already are more present, more patient, more creative, more loving...all those things you are saying you want. What is it like to be living that way? Go there in your mind OFTEN. The more you can FEEL as though you already have something, the more likely you are to have it. More on that throughout the course.

For today's lesson: who are you trying to please? Whether we know it or not, there are probably bleachers full of people who are watching every move we make, all the time, in our own minds. Who sits in your bleachers? The relative who once told you she thought your kids were whiners? The mail carrier who made some comment once? The friend whom you admire so much that you try to be like him? The author of that book?

These are your INFLUENCERS. Consciously or unconsciously, these people have a say.  When you are making a decision or taking action based in reaction to one of those influencers, then what is the impact?

If the action or decision does not line up with your authentic self, and is instead a reaction, then you are likely to be agitated, irritated, impatient, angry, aggressive.

Once, a few weeks back, someone commented on the blog about this way of parenting being so outrageous and permissive etc etc. I realized after a few days that I had let her into my mind and given her some influence over my parenting. I was more black and white in my interactions with Elliott, and it didn't feel good at all.

The other major influencers we may have unknowingly are images we hold of THE GOOD PARENT and THE BAD PARENT. So, do a brainstorm of each for yourself. What does the good parent do, in your mind?

always patient, never loses temper, always loving, fun, creative, willing to play, all food homemade and healthy, house always clean, involves kids in work around home in way they enjoy, never watches tv, makes things at night for children to do next day, has endless ideas for crafting and art and adventures.......

and the bad parent?

When you look at your lists, what do you notice?

Spend some time mining through the unconscious influencers, the judges who hold court in your mind and also the models that you strive to be like.

Who are you trying to please? Or who is guiding you throughout the day? Who weighs in, unconsciously, on your actions?

As we notice these hidden influences, we can release them, over and over. Thank them for trying to help, take what you want that truly works for you in your life, and let the rest go. The models who you strive to be like need to be let go, too, if you end up giving yourself a hard time for not living up to that. Hold onto the influences that FEEL GOOD. That is the sign of alignment with who you really want to be.

There is no other YOU on this planet. Your children chose you for very good reason. Trust that as you continue to grow. No need to be anyone else but you.  As you become more and more conscious, you will develop an even stronger sense of intution, an ability to listen to your own Inner Guide. That is the ONLY person you ever need to invite to be peering over your shoulder.

Comments

[Angela]

just today i know i was thinking what the neighbors thought when my overtired six year old wailed and wailed for what seemed like eternity. he needed a cry, and it took awhile before even a hug would do, so why did i even care what they thought? i will have to explore that some more. thank you for these lessons to our selves.

[heidi]

thank you for these thought provoking ideas.....i'm also interested in my resistance to making time to do this self investigation!!!

[melissa s.]

Ooh, I can't wait to delve into this one on paper. My challenge is how to dissolve the influence of someone I truly respect and admire, although don't necessarily agree with on parenting (read: my mother!!). Yes, that's a tough one.

[Brandy]

Thank you! This post is truly a blessing to me. :-)

[Ivy]

I think I've had a packed stadium for most of my life. My mother used to ask me who "they" were that they I worried about. I have been trying to be better about not worrying about this, but I think this post/lesson will help me explore it more. Thank you.