natural parenting center

some of my favorite things

December begins in the blink of an eye, has already begun in some parts of the world! Thoughts begin to drift off into lists of cherished items for those we love. We are working on as much handmade as possible, with yarns and fabrics and fabric paint and other crafting supplies piling up amidst the many lists. However, sometimes it brings greater pleasure to buy some of the treasures. If you are looking for some treats, here are some of my faves...

Handfull of love All of this clothing is make-me-crazy beautiful and sweet. It is exactly the kind of innocent and spirited stuff that you dream of cloaking your little ones in. One of the creators is someone I know from Outward Bound days. Oh yes...life with children changes things!

Sarah book one We have been listening to this book in audio format (3 CD's) by Abraham Hicks and we LOVE it. Elliott requests it over and over again. It is a story about a girl who learns all about Law of Attraction from her owl friends, Solomon. Gripping, entertaining, engaging, realistic, and sharing a perspective about life that I want my children to hear more and more of.

gnome dolls These are handmade and oh so lovely. They are delicate, so better for older children who love playing make believe with dolls. Made with hand-dyed wool and silks. I'd like a whole set just for myself! Take me away sweet fairies of the world.

Where Wishes Still Come True Another favorite audio series that we listen to over and over. Created by a remarkable organization called Touch The Future (Joseph Chilton Pearce and Michael Mendizza), it is beautifully told and dips into the world of fairies with lovely messages about caring for our planet that are subtle enough for children to enjoy.

Chalet dollhouse I've got my hopes high for this, though I think I'd like to go for the empty chalet, then get the modern furniture separately (you cannot believe how cute it is!). The dollhouse is meant for Saschy, though I think she'd rather get a pair of hockey skates so I might be playing by myself!

And, of course, we'd love you to buy Feeleez!

Then, anything hockey, of course. Right at this moment he is taking off his gear saying "fwa-bam". Wow.

What are YOUR favorite things for this season of holiday cheer coming up? I'd LOVE to hear. I am so in love with the magic of this time of year. Breathe it in, keep all cynics and grinches at bay, and let the light shine through all the darkness.

Merry merries to all. Happy advent, friends.

magnetic

They want what they want, with such absoluteness. The pull to their desires is magnetic.

Why judge? Why question?

Why not make their pursuit of what calls them as available is possible? For him, it's hockey. For her, on this particular day, it was joining in the skating fun. There was NO way she was going to hang out with me in the stands, watching. Are you kidding? So, seeing what was happening, we rented the smallest pair of skates and, thankfully, Tim has a strong back. This girl knows what she wants. As tired as she was, "moe...moe....moe". 

Want what you want. It may be spirit speaking through you, after all. Or, it may just be the most fun you've had in a long time. Either way, listen to the call. 

Day Two: who are you trying to please

As you've been pondering what you want, and continue to do so, be sure to take time to get yourself into the feeling place of what you want. In other words, what would that give you to have that? I encourage you to constantly ask yourself that about anything you think you want or need. Imagine what it would be like to already have it.

Imagine you already are more present, more patient, more creative, more loving...all those things you are saying you want. What is it like to be living that way? Go there in your mind OFTEN. The more you can FEEL as though you already have something, the more likely you are to have it. More on that throughout the course.

For today's lesson: who are you trying to please? Whether we know it or not, there are probably bleachers full of people who are watching every move we make, all the time, in our own minds. Who sits in your bleachers? The relative who once told you she thought your kids were whiners? The mail carrier who made some comment once? The friend whom you admire so much that you try to be like him? The author of that book?

These are your INFLUENCERS. Consciously or unconsciously, these people have a say.  When you are making a decision or taking action based in reaction to one of those influencers, then what is the impact?

If the action or decision does not line up with your authentic self, and is instead a reaction, then you are likely to be agitated, irritated, impatient, angry, aggressive.

Once, a few weeks back, someone commented on the blog about this way of parenting being so outrageous and permissive etc etc. I realized after a few days that I had let her into my mind and given her some influence over my parenting. I was more black and white in my interactions with Elliott, and it didn't feel good at all.

The other major influencers we may have unknowingly are images we hold of THE GOOD PARENT and THE BAD PARENT. So, do a brainstorm of each for yourself. What does the good parent do, in your mind?

always patient, never loses temper, always loving, fun, creative, willing to play, all food homemade and healthy, house always clean, involves kids in work around home in way they enjoy, never watches tv, makes things at night for children to do next day, has endless ideas for crafting and art and adventures.......

and the bad parent?

When you look at your lists, what do you notice?

Spend some time mining through the unconscious influencers, the judges who hold court in your mind and also the models that you strive to be like.

Who are you trying to please? Or who is guiding you throughout the day? Who weighs in, unconsciously, on your actions?

As we notice these hidden influences, we can release them, over and over. Thank them for trying to help, take what you want that truly works for you in your life, and let the rest go. The models who you strive to be like need to be let go, too, if you end up giving yourself a hard time for not living up to that. Hold onto the influences that FEEL GOOD. That is the sign of alignment with who you really want to be.

There is no other YOU on this planet. Your children chose you for very good reason. Trust that as you continue to grow. No need to be anyone else but you.  As you become more and more conscious, you will develop an even stronger sense of intution, an ability to listen to your own Inner Guide. That is the ONLY person you ever need to invite to be peering over your shoulder.

simple delights

Two naps.

Sledding adventure.

Fresh, organic chicken roasted by Papa.

Yes, life is sweet.

Thank you all for your comments. I will post Day Two of the Conscious Parenting blog class either tonite or tomorrow! With great love to you.

upside down

Giving thanks. Here in America, we are celebrating Thanksgiving. We give ourselves a chance to ponder our riches, gather with family and friends, feast, and rest. Hmmm. I'm just not feeling it.

Maybe it's this lingering sickness that my body is healing.

Maybe it's family being so far away.

Maybe it's my desire for a global perspective, rather than an American frame of mind (growing up in Canada, I still feel the outsider here at times).

Maybe it's that I want to feel grateful every day for all of our riches, our bounty, our connections that run so deep.

Maybe it's that we decided on a little chicken to roast instead of a turkey.

Ah yes. And this is what the mind does...tries to understand and figure out. Why WHY am I feeling what I am feeling? Then we quickly rush in to try to fix it. Mmmm. I will stay here, where I am right now, knowing that this is life. This moment, these feelings too. In each moment, if I allow it, I can touch the depths and keep peeling the onion.

Just writing this, I notice a smile shifting my face, a softness across my brow, an opening.

I am so grateful for these last few days of low energy which have played out more like contentment and ease and simply being. These times when all the superfluous stuff gets stripped away and you see things from a different perspective.  What matters from this point of view?

Feeding my children.

Reveling in Tim's willingness to step in where I have left off, cleaning, raking, playing.

Tea.

Homeopathy.

Tossing the ball outside in the sun.

Clean water to guzzle.

Joining you here in this strange and beautiful space of connection.

You know, I was going to show you this...

and tell you that I had recently learned from this New Dimensions program that:

The four planes that crashed on 9/11 were 80% vacant.

Well, I guess I included it anyways, because I am, right in this moment, so grateful for every bit of information, every picture, every story, that turns what I think I know upside down and shows me the beauty that lives in everything.

camels and brain surgery

How does that saying go? You can lead the camel to water, but you cannot make it drink? Something like that? Same principle applies to parenting, though we most often lead ourselves to the water. You can read all the books in the world, you can learn all the latest information, research, theories about how to be an unconditionally loving parent, but...

...knowledge alone rarely gets you to where you want to be. We may be thirsty as all get out, but unable to drink from that ocean.

There are rare individuals who will read a book (such as this one) and change. Really change. As I said,  this is rare, and for good reason. Most earnest parents may learn the information about why rewards and punishment don't work and the value of unconditional love, non-violence, empathy for raising brilliant kids, and then get stuck on the how.

HOW do I BE that during the hard moments? Because actually, you might be saying, I can be irrational, furious, mean, petty, immature, vengeful, selfish when I get triggered by....whatever your thing is. That ocean of unconditional love might be right there in front of you and in that irrational, crazy moment, you would rather be thirsty.

It takes more than knowledge, more than information. Even when you want to change so bad, you might not be able to follow through with those promises to be kind that you've made to yourself.

Oh dear one. Forgive yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Let go of all that has come before. AND commit to change. It IS possible.

If you want to make lasting and deep changes to the way you interact with your children, think brain surgery. We are rewiring our brains. In the first six or so years of life, according to Bruce Lipton, an internationally recognized cell biologist who has written about conscious parenting, we are downloading a program without any filters. We are in a hypnotic state. This program forms our beliefs about the world and makes up our subconscious mind. Our conscious mind (the part that has information about how to parent differently) is at work 5% of the time, while the subconscious is in charge 95% of the time. Whenever we are triggered, tired, distracted, stressed, on auto-pilot, we respond from that programming. It takes dedication to re-wire our brains, and it is possible. 

When I learned this I felt so sad for the little me who absorbed many limiting beliefs. I also felt (and feel) hyper aware and a bit freaked out about what my children are downloading moment to moment. Talk about motivation to grow.

How do we change?: consistent reflection, supportive community of learners, deep inquiry, presence, structures to remind and awaken, and some other goodies which we will share with you here. It takes more than just thinking about it, some action is involved, such as writing.

So, with all this in mind, I want to launch our Conscious Parenting course, right here on this blog.  I will post 21 lessons. Each lesson will invite you to become more conscious through questions and exercises. What you will need is a journal and pen, and as much time as you choose to devote to it. You are welcome to post your discoveries here so that you can share in the learning with others. These will not be presented 21 days in a row because I want you to have days in between to ponder. These will be filed in a new category called Conscious Parenting Class, so if you miss one, you can check there.  Why 21? It takes 21 days to change a habit. Let's at least start with one habit.

To get you started, what habit do you want to change?

If, in 6 months, say, you were able to say "I go to bed most nights feeling so fulfilled and satisfied with the way that I interact with my children", what would be different from how it is now?

What do you want more of?

What beliefs or challenges do you think are standing in your way?

Oh yes. This will be fun, indeed.

the art of slow

We stayed in the house all day today. Still not feeling well and no interest from Elliott to venture out. Jammies and cup after cup of tea along with a fascinating and seemingly endless evolution of play. I'm so grateful that we can have days like this.

our little fashionista

meet alligator and turtle

  happy birthday to all of us

Once I got past that 10am-ish itch to get out and settled into what was happening (Oh yeah. Reminded by quote near our door: let go of your argument with what is), I was able to look through new eyes. Lots of things went through my mind:

::knitting and yoga. while some moments called for my full attention and presence, some did not. I was able to sit in a yoga pose and knit a few different times. It was so satisfying to be creative and to care for my body. Those times when you can meet those needs AND be there for your kids at the same time, well they seem especially sweet.

:: working outside the home. I had a wave of such awe for mamas and papas working outside the home. They don't get much of this. They go do the job all day and then come home and do whatever they can to connect and re-connect without knowing every little nuance of the day. That must be intense. Then, to take more time away from your children to move your body or take a sewing class or go skiing, well I imagine that is such a split-kind of feeling, like you can never get enough of either you or your children. My heart goes out to you.

:: slow food. A big pot of chicken broth simmered on the stove all day long. We are trying out the GAPS way of eating which mostly involves eating everything homemade. Soups and stews and yogurt from raw milk and no grains. The tooth decay issue is kind of a blessing (along with some dear friends who led us to this. Thanks Kristen) because it has motivated us to make some changes. Did you know that you can actually re-mineralize your teeth? Being home all day allows us to eat so well. How fortunate we are.

:: boredom? There were moments when I had that voice creep in, I'm guessing you are familiar with it, maybe they are bored. We have been programmed to believe that more stimulation is better, so there is always that question when you keep things simple. Then, the hanger-dropping-behind-bed became the pulley-and-zipline-with-hangers which became the plastic-tub-drumming which became the plastic-tub-is-a-robot which flowed into reading and on and on it went. Even if you don't spend your whole day like this, try to include a segment of down time, unscheduled, free play. It is immensely valuable for the development of children's intelligence and creativity.

Here's to slow. Though it rarely actually felt slow with children being the perpetual motion machines that they are. What does slow look like for you?

giveaway-life map

Well, friends. This rocks.

Natalie, is now creating Life Maps.   It's the perfect way to help Law of Attraction work for you so that you manifest more and more of what you love.  She will take your detailed list of ideas about what you want for your life and create an image of that. Big manifestation power here.  I know. The best, right? 

Meet Mark and Christine...

 

Isn't that just too much? Oh man. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. So, here on NPC we are giving away one for FREE. Just comment below to be entered before Monday night.  And when you want another for you and your friends, you'll be pleased to know they are only $50 each!

Law of Attraction is such a powerful thing. We see it with our kids and in our life all the time. When we ask for what we WANT, with the energy of already having it, life flows in such a satisfying way. Whatever we put our attention on IS, so why not have a whole lot more fun putting your attention on what you want? Just making the list of how you want your life to be will start the changes.Also, it can be more of a gratitude focus if you want to deepen your appreciation for what you already have. Enjoy, friends. Fun, fun.

AND THE WINNER IS JOANNA SMETANKA! YAHOO. THANKS EVERYONE FOR PLAYING.

french

Sascha, I love you.

wuuuuvoodee

Girl, why are you saying that in french?

I hope you all are having a lovely weekend.

a thousand names for joy

I choose to believe that at the core of each of us, when all the crap is stripped away, there is joy and love. And that's it. That is our essence and we each live in hot pursuit of that.  How we each do that varies hence the wild contrast of all our different approaches. In that sense, I am becoming less and less interested in giving anyone advice about anything, including parenting. I'd rather assist you in pursuing your essence, your truth, a way of living and being that gives you goosebumps on a regular basis. If you get there, then your parenting will be extremely satisfying for you and your children and will probably look much like attachment/connection/continuum/natural parenting anyways.

So, here are some of the thousand names for joy, from where I sit..

:: baby's red, warm cheek that smells like sweet milk as she pulls away from my chest

:: the feel of a new bundle of rough wool that will one day become a sweater

:: feet and butt and head rolling around on the inside of that gorgeous round belly

:: imagining and planning a visit with your beloved sister

:: realizing how resourceful you are in creating meals when you don't know where money for the next grocery shop will come from, knowing you'd still rather do this than be away from your child

:: your husband arriving home after much travel, just in time for naps and organizing and cooking before that new baby arrives

:: staying true to your child in the hospital and ignoring all the outside pressure, allowing him to take as long as he needed and cry as much as he wanted while making his way to the chair for giving a sample of blood

:: completing a two year yoga training that took immense planning and arranging and effort, and savouring the new insights, connections and awareness that has arisen because of it

:: eating food that nourishes you in just the way you need

:: watching your children eat food that nourishes them in just the way they need

:: growing a village that sustains you

:: having a conversation that you've been avoiding and relishing in the release of telling the truth

:: going for a run after two days in the house with sick children, pushing a sleeping babe in the cold evening air

Oh and it goes on and on, doesn't it?

If we believe that stripping away the layers gets us to this place, then what about all of the rip roaring feelings that seem to interrupt this flow? In between the blissed out moments I feel furious, angry, sad, melancholic, isolated, disappointed, irritated, annoyed, bummed out, scared, concerned, dissatisfied and cagey.

Because on the flip side there is..

:: being stuck inside the house for two days with sick children

:: adjusting to an entirely different plan for your upcoming birth where your partner may not be there

:: not knowing where the next dollar is going to come from

:: longing for your family far away and wondering when you will be with them again, watching your children grow older without their loving presence

:: questioning your relationship

:: debating a move over and over, loving the house where you are but longing for more community and never knowing what the right thing to do is (and where you will live for the next year if the house does sell)

:: feeling nauseous and sick and exhausted during the first trimester

:: hearing a cancer diagnosis

:: witnessing violence that rocks your world, leaving you feeling terrified for your own safety

:: feeling tired of feeling sad and guilty for not being the parent you long to be

Yes. We live these too. And yet...what if these are names for joy as well? What if it is all joy?
Because joy is not just happiness, it is deeper and stronger. It sustains us regardless of what is happening on the outside. Maybe we can think of all of it as joy because these triggers, these darker moments, these are what give us the chance to see the layers that need peeling. These are the times that show us what is really possible. Loving in spite of because of it all.

By the way, the title for this post was borrowed from a book by Byron Katie.