Day 15: 21 Day Parenting Challenge

We needn't do this alone.

Challenge: Create the community you dream of, starting with one empathy friend.

I have been reading your comments and sensing how lonely this journey is for many of you. That is so much the way parenting can be. Mamas and Papas wanting to raise their children differently, challenge the status quo, make deep changes within themselves, and finding it harder than they want it to be.

We need to do this together. Community. Being with other parents who are committed to the same kind of parenting as you are, who accept you and your children, who listen and care. People you can be yourself with, inspiring each other to be more.

If you don't have this, then is it possible to create it for yourself? You are allowed to be choosey in the people you hang out with. Start a small playgroup with one or two or three other families who you sense that kindred connection with. Tell them that you want to make it a conscious parenting group so that you can talk about your struggles without spiraling downward into venting and complaining and so that you can share resources, readings, ideas that uplift you and leave you feeling fulfilled and on the path you want.

You can start small, and this is the challenge today. Within the next 2 days, find an empathy buddy. Design a structure together. We will talk on the phone on Wednesdays around 10am for thirty minutes. You will talk for 15 minutes and I will offer you nothing but empathy. No fixing, advising, storytelling, turning it back to yourself, or analyzing. Then switch. Talk about how it went for 3-4 minutes at the end. If you want, you can even rate how it felt to you on a scale of 1-10. Tell the truth. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Learn something new. Be bold.

You can use this space here to connect with someone if you want. Give this to yourself and someone else. We need each other.

Comments

[Angela]

i have a couple of friends who feel like soul mamas in this journey to me and for that i feel blessed. unfortunately two of them moved away, so our connections are by phone or email now. i found them through a local homeschool group, when we gravitated toward each other based on what we packed in our picnics and a conversation over whole and healthy foods. realized that a natural way of eating really transferred over to our parenting, so maybe for some others this approach would be helpful. or, look for mamas with babies in slings at the park or grocery store and ask them where they got their wrap. i have had many people ask me and i find it opens up conversations with like-minded souls.

also, in taking on this challenge this week, i invited two other mamas to come to this space. we meet once a week at a creative arts center and wanted to share what a wonderful forum this has been for me.

i am hoping all of you find somebody in your community that you can connect with personally, but i would love to email with any one of you that would like a friend through this space.

thank you, kris, for creating community here. this parenting challenge has been amazing so far and the space so comforting to come to after a long day.

[kris laroche]

hi martha. I'm stumped sometimes too. I think conscious, attachment parenting sums it up best. if anyone comes up with a better term, i'd love to hear it. i think about 'parenting with presence' too. but it is even more than that..it's connection through attachment, being present, and becoming conscious ourselves. i so want this for you...this connection with others. other authors are gordon neufeld, naomi aldort, sura hart, ingrid bauer, inbal kashtan.

[kris laroche]

Shelly. Yep this is a big one, isn't it? This path of conscious, attachment parenting can seem so lonely. My invitation to you is to spend time each night before falling asleep imagining that you have found another family or another mama who fills you up with inspiration and connection. imagine spending days with your children together and feeling soooo fulfilled and satisfied. imagine that you already have what you want...empathy friends. and then see how the universe brings it to you. whatever you put your attention on IS.

[Shelly]

This is almost the hardest one yet!! I find it difficult to find someone who I have anything in common with, can tolerate for any length of time, and feel like sharing things with. Then add trying to find another family that we (myself, hubby, and son) have common interests and enjoy spending time with. Most days it feels like this just doesn't exist.
Martha, Some attachment parents are on this same path.

[Martha]

Kris,
In attempting to find like-minded friends where I live I've been stumped about how to refer to this approach of parenting. Conscious parenting? Is there a broadly recognized or used term that you know of? Also, aside from Alfie Kohn and Pam Leo, who are some of the primary authors of the approach? Thanks!

[Martha]

Hi Jenniesmith, I would like to be your empathy friend. i'm not on FB but I am up for communicating by email or phone, either way is fine.

[Jenniesmith@gmail.com]

Wanted: empathy friend. :)
I don't even mind doing this through email or facebook. My life is in transition at the moment and we are in a place where we don't know many people and plan on moving on in a few short months, so I don't know if finding someone nearby will be in my near future.