natural parenting center

grammy time

 
 
 One of our beloved grammies has come to visit. It's a shorty-just two days. Thankfully she will be back in August for a longer stay because boy-oh-boy, is it fun to have her around.

 She is a vibrant human being, so full of energy for these two children that strangers remark with awe when they see her in action. She is also tender and open, tearing up with me late at night as we talk about the look on her grandchildren's faces when they first see her.  We are blessed for her. When our little friend Larkin came to play, he was just as enthralled and soaked up the grammy time completely, not wanting to leave. There is something about those grammies, I'll tell you. We sure do need them.

 Having a grammy around tightens an intricately woven cord which runs through me, my mother, her mother, her mother and all the ancient crones looking down on us,  always.

Tonite, as we snuggled up for sleep,  Elliott said...what are we all thankful for? You know what his was? My grammy being here. 

Oh yes. Me too, sweet boy.

letting go

There is something sparkling in the air around me these days. Maybe it is simply summer time bliss. Maybe it is something more. I am seeing things differently. Chunks of armor falling away effortlessly. Tears and goosebumps.

magic

 Every minute we spend on this farm is something to be grateful for.  Can you see the magic?

almost

 the beauty everywhere, all the time.  it is almost too much to bare.

 

creative juice

That last post, asking about judging yourself, arose in a moment when I was steeped in self-judgment. Sitting at the sewing machine, mid morning, with Saschy on my lap and Elliott hanging off my shoulder, I felt frustrated. In that moment of frustration, I thought...(and here is a worthy question whenever you are feeling something that is uncomfortable)...what am I believing in this moment? I was judging myself to be "bad" mother. How could I be sewing these shorts right now? This is crazy!

I have noticed lately that I kind of sneak sewing and knitting in, behind my own back, because there is a belief in my mind about how un-spiritual it is, how it's just my ego trying to get recognition or something, too focused on material things, blah blah blah...

When I wrote that question to you, my wise Inner Being was lovingly asking that question of me. I felt into the feelings more and beneath the frustration was sadness. I wanted to get off my own back, to be more tender towards myself in that moment, as I might do with my own children. Let it be ok that I was sewing in the midst of whatever was happening. 

I kept sewing, following the flow of the creative juice, encircling my children within it as much as they wanted to be.  When I held these shorts up for Elliott, he beamed. You made those for me, mama?

 

  He put on his soccer pads, cleats, and those long wool socks which are his "soccer socks" with those new shorts of his. I felt that opening which comes with creating, that vibrating hum of making something with my own two hands.  And let it be more than just ok that I went ahead and made something. It is the energy and intention that we bring to our tasks which makes all the difference. Sewing a pair of shorts can be a very fine thing, indeed.

What if?

What are you judging yourself for, right in this very moment?

What if you stopped?

re-adjust

Tim got called out to a fire in Colorado yesterday morning. It caught us both by surprise, which is strange because this is what happens every summer. He works as a wildland firefighter with the Lolo Hotshots. We've been watching the weather closely and with all of the rain this spring, it was a slow start for fires. So we were enjoying his days off together and seeing him in the evenings. Then...brinnnnnngggg. And off he goes, somewhere out there, in uniform. 

It's an interesting way of life for our family.  Kind of thrilling because we never know quite when and where he will go or return and he enthralls us with great stories of his adventures.  His days off are a major vacation for all of us. We bail on all pre-made plans to soak him up for the couple of days he is home. Thankfully, we have understanding friends. Also kind of topsy turvy with the constant unknown of things.

So here I am, second night solo. Re-adjusting to what this means. I need to scale back my expectations of things I want to do at night. Sewing and crafting seem less feasible and navigating bedtime without the papa support of story reading and toothbrushing is different, to be sure.

Mostly, we miss him. Though the summer overtime work is what supports us through the winter, we still miss him. I forget, too, that what he does is a big deal. Fighting fires in the woods, long days, strenuous and stressful. I agree with Elliott who said about him today..."he is one smart dude".  

earthdakota

Today, our dashing young pilot took us on a plane ride to earthdakota. Let me tell you a little about the goings on in this place.

golden haloed girls run free

   

 sweet friends drop by and negotiate big love sessions

 

all the hard edges melt into air
 

little boys picnic with their mamas and, picking up pieces of french toast, ask "how did we grow this?"

 

hide and seek gets played beside the river
   

tiny birds perch on pant legs
   

and the turtle water gets turned on
 
 
  There is more, too, in earthdakota. Tears over the last drops of kombucha, denied requests for ice cream, scraped knees and tooth brushing, dusty floors and missing friends, parents who "good job" and cars that drive scary fast. 

And all of this, ALL OF THIS, belongs. When I look through my bliss eyes, seeing everything in front of me as an essential part of the moment, when I chuckle at my know-it-all mind busy trying to "improve" and "fix" (and ignore those urges), then I feel alive. 

In earthdakota, life throbs and flows through everything. I like it here.

life learning

A moment of unschooling perfection: Elliott wanting to learn letters (his idea entirely), beside me while I sew (cream colored lounge pants with little birds on the cuff), lasagna in the oven loaded with greens from our CSA share and homemade cheese, and sweet Saschy girl asleep in the room next to us. Oh yeah.

a tribute to papa

 thank you...

::for being such a rock for us

::for going to work every day so we can live in this beautiful home and eat gorgeous food

::for going to work every day and leading people towards their own inner greatness (the world needs more leaders like you)

::for challenging me to trust myself, to be strong in who i am, to follow my dreams

::for your laughter

::for standing firm, always, in who you are and never wavering from that

::for teaching me to love unconditionally

::for your fierce loyalty

::for your insistence on having fun and doing what feels good 

::for supporting this life learning, unconditional parenting way of living

::for learning (at your own pace, of course)

we love you deeply, papa. happy day.

And for my own dad.

::the sound of your voice can bring me to tears

::the pictures of me as a child, grinning explosively at you, tell it all

::for letting me be and for challenging me, too

::for how much you love me

::for all the mind-expanding travel, experiences, conversations, opportunities

::for following your own path, and doing what you love, which is a great teacher for me

::for accepting my choices, regardless

::for the shining example of 'leader' you have always been in your work

::for still being here, with me, even though we are so far apart. I can feel you and I love that.

I love you, dad.

AND a grand treat for all of you papas and mamas. Nathan has a blog. I am thrilled to get to experience more of this remarkable human being...A Beautiful Place of the World