I am sleepy. Ready for an earlier than midnight bedtime, for sure. With all of the delight of celebrating that gorgeous girl's birth over, things are a little bit low around here. I think we were all feeling the flip side of the birthday. Even with keeping things very simple, there is still so much emotion. Being the sibling of the celebrated one is heart-wrenching, I think. At least it has been looking that way as I watch Elliott. Something that has helped immensely is our perspective that "everything is for everybody". Knowing that he would have turns with all of the new gifts was helpful, his relief when I reminded him over and over was visible. Still, it's big for a little one.
I've also been thinking about all the things that I say "no" to by choosing to live a simpler life. It means that for birthdays, there are many friends who are not invited. In order to keep the celebration small and quiet and on the lowdown, some people were not there. Extended family was absent as well, with their homes being so far away, the visitations end up being pretty infrequent.
Children thrive on less is more. And parents can avoid the absolute chaos, expense, and overwhelm of over-the-top birthdays. Especially for a TWO year old. She was so thrilled with flowers and the strawberries on the cake and her friends. We can create rituals that are meaningful while still be simple. It's so easy to want to repeat what we had when we were little (if that was a good thing), or make up for what we didn't get. What do children really need? What about the siblings? What about the day before (torturous anticipation) and the day after (heart breaking let down) when we go all out? What about all the "stuff" and the consumption habits that creates? We are so fortunate to have the chance to choose from these kinds of options. Let me never lose site of that.
The whole birthday thing got me thinking, too, about the other ways I say NO in my desire to keep to a gentler rhythm.
There are people and their children who I genuinely like, and think about spending more time with, but it doesn't happen. When I look at the landscape of our weeks, and consciously plan out blocks of time for quiet, unscheduled free play, family, space for spontaneous adventures, with a few scheduled 'events' placed in there as well, I end up not wanting any more plans.
Saying no seems important, and not always easy. Yet, when I say "no", I can notice the "yes" behind that. There is always a YES in there. When I think about that, the feeling inside of me is better, instead of resistance (swimming against), there is clarity and strength (with a big heap of vulnerability mixed in).
Such a telling, feeling expression on your face in the photo, saying so much, to me, about the late night aftermath of having witnessed your child/children make a definite passage. A new space awaits. I know what you mean about saying no to certain things in order to keep the schedule free and open, safe, in some sense, from clutter. It's helpful for me to hear about that, too. THanks.
Posted by: Martha | June 17, 2010 at 07:14 PM
love your blog.
how do you say no in a way that isn't reflecting the "we don't have the funds for ....." but instead fosters the less is more idea?
Posted by: Bonnie | June 15, 2010 at 06:00 AM
We say no to a lot as well - and I remind myself why we do this; to help foster healthy habits (non-consumerism and greed) and to keep the focus on things that are important (family relationships) and that makes me feel better. I had so much growing up and didn't end up appreciating any of it - and I really do notice my son thriving on the less is more philosophy. Plus - he doesn't know the difference, only we do. Perhaps that's what makes it so hard. Great post!
Posted by: Debbie | June 15, 2010 at 05:49 AM
It's nice to meet you...see your face.
It is so hard to say "no" in this media driven culture. I think we are saying "yes" to so much more.
Posted by: Mary Leveque | June 14, 2010 at 10:29 PM