breastfeeding in public.
well, friends. everything has turned out just fine on this front. i received several warm and considerate emails of apology from the higher ups who ensured there was no such policy. they will be doing more staff training to be certain everyone knows how to handle complaints against breastfeeding in public and how to support mothers more. i'm so grateful.

funny thing was, as i watched myself and my feelings through all of this, i noticed that i wasn't all that bothered. surprised and confused and a little embarrassed, sure, but not rallied up with both fists waving. the thing that bothered me most was spending time in the evening writing the letter when i wanted to be doing yoga or writing in my journal. i'm so glad i wrote it though,  and in the moment of my frustration, i stepped back and decided consciously that i did, in fact, want to spent my time doing that. i did not, however, want to get enraptured by angry feelings. nope...staying a little removed felt much better to me. like i was watching a drama play out on some stage. writing the letter was the right thing for me to do, particularly if it ends up being helpful for anyone else in the future. and i was grateful and relieved to hear from supportive people.

i've been noticing events play out before me from the perspective of "everything is happening here to show you something". i notice experiences that could easily stimulate me (i'm avoiding the word "trigger") and approaching them as though i am staring at a fork in the road. i could be stimulated by this and watch my content feelings unravel in an instant, or i could not. my choice. 

i like it. if you choose to try it, i'd enjoy hearing your experiences about it. i've also been wanting to ask you all about some of your favorite responses to your children...things you say or do that feel deeply fulfilling and resonate with who you want to be. things that may be fresh and conscious and different than the usual.

thank you all for your supportive comments lately and always. i'm grateful for each of you.

Comments

[dig this chick]

Nice work, mama! I love the way you handled it. Proactive, calm and sincere. That's how people move mountains. And the response you got is wonderful.

I agree completely with everything is happening here to show you somethingapproach. Thanks for the reminder...sometimes it's easier (although not really!) to get hot with anger or insecurity. I am always happier and more productive when I pause and consider what is happening.

[Emma]

I have really really REALLY come to believe that everything that happens is exactly right. even when it doesn't look like it at the time, inevitably, if you look and consider over time, the thing that happened that seemed "wrong", was just the right thing, that enabled other things to happen.

Its a challenge to remember this sometimes, but I like what you said about it being a choice. Knowing you are responsible for how you choose to view it, makes it more difficult for you to view yourself as a victim (so tempting sometimes!).

I appreciate your honestly. Have you read Byron Katie's work? you find yourself asking "is it true?", all. day. long.

[kris laroche]

marjorie...yes sitting in love. and sometimes "triggers" is exactly what is happening-explosive, fast, unconscious. oh to grow from these things. we all long for that, i think.

[kris laroche]

carrie.
i love thinking of you knowing me that well to sense all that. thank you.

[kris laroche]

robin. yes...i totally know what you mean. you explained it perfectly for me (and i'm sure for others). everything is exactly what we need for our own evolution...if we can breathe deeply enough and be willing enough to love ourselves through that learning.

[marjorie]

Here, here! I too am finding less need to be "enraptured by the anger". Lovely how it all works out, isn't it?

And it was the perfect message for me tonight... as I am faced with a situation that triggers (sorry, I said it) for a bunch of stuff for me. But maybe just watching it unfold is the perfect thing to do here. I choose to sit in love.

So glad the response was so positive for you... and thank you for sharing the journey.

[robin (woowoomama)]

this post is timely for me. the bean has suddenly discovered the "joy" of hitting me when he is frustrated or trying to make a point. it is so far from anything i have experienced with him before and i find my temper flares. i have been walking away from him so that i don't yell in anger but i think this one step removed feeling you described above is what i am looking for. i hate to walk away from him when i could find a way to stay present with what is happening between us. earlier today i did the inner work i needed to do to help myself not feel so angry and your post ties in nicely with what to do being present with the feelings that remain for me.

ok, that was really hard to explain so i am just going to assume you know what i mean.

thanks for sharing your process.

[carrie]

It's so interesting Chris but i felt you processing it just the way you just shared.
Perhaps i know you well as you share yourself so well

Something new i'm trying on with my kids especially when things are feeling stressed and i may get in there and meet them in the drama is to take a step back and find my center.

much love Carrie