fuck the middle road

 

it's so curious how something somebody says some time in my life has stuck with me and become the gold standard, without question. "you are too extreme", being one. it's true that i am an all or nothing kind of gal. i go full bore on one thing for a period of time then i'm over it and onto the next. inconsistent. passionate in short bursts. it can be annoying and tiresome to my steady and steadfast friends. i wonder if, while in my passionate burst enthusiastically spewing the merits of knitting, say, or kefir making, or ice climbing (as it was some time long ago) these friends are quietly rolling their eyes and sniggering under their breath (wonder how long this will last, they are saying in my fearful version of things). 

so as i work these days to distill each aspect of myself from the toxic slurry of judgement and plunk it into the still, clear waters of acceptance, i've been questioning the assumption that the middle road is right and my way is wrong. then i came upon this quote from David Garrigues blog.

 I don’t think enough people realize what kind of fire, grit and intensity it takes to crack the small self open and access the hidden treasure of fearless freedom within. There is always someone that will try to contain or cool things, to ‘mellow’ things or ‘balance’ them or bring them to the center where the middle ground is. I personally don’t want the middle ground. I don’t want reason or reasonable. Reasonable arrives and eventually looks and feels like Walmart, Capt Crunch, continuous streams of ads for things that don’t offer us an honest place of really looking at ourselves. I say bring on the fire, let’s burn this stale, safe, known, fearful place to the ground. Give me spiritual danger, give me the edge, give me something that makes me sweat, makes me breathe, makes me open inside, and feel truly alive. Give me enough fire to face my apathy every day. Give me enough fire to burn my petty mind that continuously spins out just the right type of nonsense to hook me into fear, judgement, and insecurity. Give me enough fire to care more about what’s inside me than any other thing. 

 middle road parenting is not for me, either. what i see all around me at the playgrounds, in the library, at gymnastics, is middle road and it makes me cringe. i want to jump up and down and shout IT DOESNT' HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!!! because truly, i believe that no intelligent person would continue to talk and behave the way they are to their children if they gave themselves a chance to believe in something different. 

there is a different way.

give me enough fire to be honest in the moment, rather than consistent and to question everything i've ever read or been told about parenting and children and what is possible for us. fuck the middle road. i will listen to my fire, instead.

Comments

[kris laroche]

robin. i like this example. exactly what im talking about and the feeling ok about it being what it is. love that.

[robin (woowoomama)]

i like the motto.
i also tend to "fad" through things. i always get mad at myself about it. i tend to do the same with my role as a homemaker and i am just starting to try to feel ok with it. like, yeah, so i don't do laundry every day. instead i wait until the last possible moment when everyone is totally out of undies and then i crank out six loads in a day. instead of hating myself for that why can't i just say, that is how i work.

sorry to bring your post to the mundane. its just where i am at today.

[mary leveque]

Go for it girl! and amen for being authentic istead of trying to be a pleaser...i'm a pleaser too and \boy do you
lose yourself that way...

[kris laroche]

thanks girlfriend.
love you too. so much. and thanks for tip on the wire on facebook. so glad you told me!!!

[Romy]

Yeah Kris. Love it. love you.

[Kristen]

Amen Sista Friend!