single parents

Tim has been away at ISSW conference connecting with people in the avalanche world. He came home after 11 days away feeling refreshed and jazzed about the coming season of snow. It's fun to see him like that. 

And it's fun to have another parent in the house. Someone else to read a story or brush teeth or do the things that only he does well...like wrestle and do the airplane thingy with food into the mouth fifty times as giggles spill everywhere.

Good grief. I send my heartiest and most humble bow out to all of you single parents doing it on your own day after day. And if you are managing to put your relationship with your children in the forefront of the gazillion other things that you need to do, well then. Let me offer you my profound appreciation.

As I looked for an image to include with this post, this organic post that has not been pre-thought one bit, I came across this...

Everything always lines up, doesn't it? Tonite as I lay in bed nursing Saschy to sleep (considering writing a post about nursing which we are doing an awful lot of these days-my nipples red and sore), I was feeling a bit wimpery because I wanted to doze off with them. I was feeling a little miffed that I was about to crawl out of that warm cocoon to come to the computer and do some work. How is it possible that after this long day (for even with another parent around there is still a whole lot of stuff to do) of working, that my work work begins at 9pm. The work I'm talking about here is not so much blogging, but more about doing the invoicing and stuff for Feeleez. 

Then, because this wasn't feeling so good, I took another look at it from a different perspective. I could be dropping these two loves off at daycare and school and going to work, then coming home and attempting to cook dinner while connecting with them, catching up on our days apart, making lunches for the next day, reading school newsletters, helping with homework, throwing in some laundry, answering the phone etc etc etc....

Which is what many many many people do. And maybe many of those people adore the rhythm of their days. When I looked at this, though, I realized anew how lucky I am. How much I am living the way I want to live. So I crawl up after snuggling them to sleep and get on the computer late at night. It's not every night, it's not for very long, it's not all day, it's with my kids in the room next to me, and I get to wake up again with them tomorrow and set out on new adventures, together.

So is what I do all day really work? What is work? Is it the money thing? Aren't there some tribal cultures that don't even have a word for work?  I like that. When I think about being a "working" mother as in tending this home and these children, the nature of the thing becomes more burdensome. In fact, I am a privileged mother, one who gets to choose. Sure we make choices to live simply on one income. But it is just that A CHOICE. 

That point of view makes all the difference. I am not a victim. 

Comments

[kris laroche]

oh miranda that IS so exhausting. those evening hours with nap (going late) and without nap (falling apart kid) are practically impossible. that transition out of nap is so so SO tricky. And I imagine you are wiped out completely by dinner time. yeah...im there with you. ive been trying so hard to get the older one to not nap so that there is the chance they will both be asleep by 8 or so and that is heavenly for me. i eat a lot of chocolate and drink coffee in the morning. definitely not the healthiest coping strategy and it is what is working for me right now. i am sending you much love, friend. you are not alone.

[MIRANDA]

How do you manage on your own so often? My husband works long hours in the week and every weekend. He is barely home by 7.30. My son is 3 and daughter 20 months. I can hardly cope some times. My son is dropping his nap so by 4pm he is a mess, aggressive and uncooperative. How do I get him to bed at 6.30 when my daughter who naps 12-2.30 is wide eyed till 8.30? It's certainly not a peaceful cuddle in bed as they drift off. And if he does nap, they are both up till 9! So exhausting.

[kris laroche]

oh amy. im getting so excited to meet your new babe. and yeah...nursing all over again. im glad you said that because it reminds me to stay with it because i know i will miss it so much when its over. which i hope is still a ways off. thanks for all of this. i can see and feel the connection you have with your girls every time we are together. your choices may go against the mainstream, but man o man, im glad to know you, glad for those girls, glad for you, glad for the world that you have chosen them first.

[Amy McGregor]

So there with you Kris! The reason that I started going to school was so that I would be able to "stay home" with my girls- for the most part. I go into major debt every semester, but it's how I pay my bills so that I don't have to work full time and they are in childcare verrrrrrry minimally. We were even able to do a year of homeschooling with Jaedyn tagging along to my classes with me and just being together for a year! She gave up on me for the structure of school- I have high hopes that one day both of the girls will burn out on school and we can do it again- not every parents hope, I know ;)

I love having the freedom and openness in our family to rearrange our lives whenever we find that things are not working. We did a complete 180 at the beginning of the school year when Maddie's teacher was far from what we had dreamed of a kindergarten teacher. We started her at Sussex and it's been amazing! Community, communication, warmth- everything we wanted. Crazy expensive but what else are we going to spend our money on. Homeschooling is the cheapest option for positive education experiences, that's for sure!

Just wanted to say how much I'm there with you after being a single mom for so many years and, now, having a partner that is so available as a support. I have always done my best to put my girls first regardless of our schedule and how taxed I was by outside responsibilities. It's been hard but we have such a strong family because of it and I know what we are capable of and what our real needs are.

It's so unfortunate that our culture thinks more highly of mothers that work full time than those who choose to make financial sacrifices in order to be more available to our kids. I'll gladly be a welfare mom as long as I need to enlist some extra help to be the best mommy I can.

Now it's my time to start homework- after I watch my lovelies fall asleep with their hot breath blowing in my face. Some days it's hard to still myself when I have so much to do, but it is always so worth it!

p.s. I'll be lamenting with you soon enough about cracked and sore nipples- it's ridiculous how excited I am about nursing again!

-Amy