breaking the rules

Camera is still gone. Sheesh I miss that thing. Well, not the thing itself, but the end results...pics of daily life to feel all gushy over at night when I'm at the computer and everyone is cozy and safe in the big bed. 

Halloween was so sweet that I am still reveling in it. Elliott as a ghost, holding his sheet just so for so long so that he could actually see out of those two eye holes. Saschy as a witch with a black and purple hat and a satiny pink tutu over her fleece pants. With our dear friends, there were three of them all together. Saschy was always last of the three to reach the stranger handing out candy, but they ended up tumbling towards us after each house, holding up each piece of sugary delight as though it was the most amazing, fantastic, unbelievable thing they had ever seen, ever. And then, as if the receiving was joyous enough, they were in fact still satisfied with our arrangement to eat a piece of chocolate, save another for today, then pile the rest of the loot into a bag to trade in for a toy.

Was it a case of breaking the rules? Maybe. But how about we all just make up our own rules that not just work, but that make us hum. That make our families hum. That take into account the unique mystery and magic of each of us and the combination of us (which is unrepeated anywhere else in the universe), and do what works. 

This worked for us. Am I telling you to do this? No way. In fact, I am so over telling anyone anything about anything that I want to change the name of this blog. This space doesn't wear the Natural Parenting Center well anymore. It started as that, me as a life coach passionately wanting to share (and convince?) others to parent in a certain way. And maybe that was my way of boosting my own confidence about mothering. If others are willing to listen to me, if I can just feel "right", if I can be professional and knowledgeable and expert enough, then ....then...then what? then I can be sure? 

I see now that SURE cannot be found out there. SURE is this ever moving, shifting thing. I want to throw away the rules that are offered up by "experts". Just live what is in each moment, without telling anyone else how to do anything.  Giving advice just doesn't feel good.

There are other remarkable people who are much better suited to be in the role of parenting coach or advisor, if you are wanting that.  Here are three I like:

Nathan McTague A Beautiful Place of The World

Chris White Essential Parenting

Scott Noelle Parenting Coach

Naomi Aldort Parenting Advice

OK, that's four. And there are so many others. If you've been visiting here looking for support, then I'm sure that you will find it in these other places. And I hope that you will keep visiting here for different reasons. Maybe to feel less alone in your imperfectness as you watch me and mine, to chuckle at the gap between your ideals and your reality, as you see it in me, and to also still glean snippets of inspiration to be more genuinely YOU, loving your children for all you are worth.

So, not quite sure how I got from Halloween to the blog change and the completion of my work as a coach and teacher, but here we are. It feels good. 

Comments

[kris laroche]

thanks so much, mae. i think its especially special that we notice our differences and feel connected just because. im appreciating this more and more in my life...loving the differences.

[MaeH]

Hi Kris! I always love visiting and reading your blog. I admit that sometimes not everything resonates with my parenting style (a lot do!) and yet I find it wonderful how passionate and real you are. :-)

[Martha]

This post has really stuck with me over the past few weeks. Maybe I was already in a swirl of thinking about death and transformation, the season of hallows, and whether or how some parts of us, some motivations or ostensible purposes, do seem to pass away or die off. I'd been listening to an interview with Patti Smith, in which she talks about a song she wrote for Robert Mapplethorpe addressed the idea that we meet some people in 'this' life in order to make the connection with them later, in 'another' one, which in the moment i heard it made so much sense to me, and helped the understand the death of a good friend, now 4 years ago, differently and hopefully. i was inspired by your recognizing so clearly and then sharing so eloquently your readiness to stop a certain way of being or trying to be in the blog, and your sharing - thank you - routes to take in that direction. it all just seemed very self-accepting, which you're undoubtedly not always experiencing. but it didn't have apology or confusion (to me) which seems such a rare thing to attain. i hope i'm not overlaying it too much with my own stuff. thanks for sharing your path through the thicket.

[kris laroche]

shelly. im so glad. we did it a bit differently where the kids chose toys in advance so they knew we would go shopping the day after halloween. i like the idea of sugar fairy but know exactly what you mean about lying. its a little strange. ive felt that about santa before though now they are so determined to believe, and i realize that i do believe in magic and fairies and even though i may have put the presents out this time.....there are great mysteries all around us.

[kris laroche]

oh dear friend. thank you THANK YOU. im so glad to know you and to be with you again, here.
love to all of you, bets.

[betsy mathews]

Nona (3 1/2) and I were looking through rocks and shells from years past this morning and I found a big beautiful and strong shell from that you gave me when I moved from AI to I at Greencove :) I have held onto that shell for almost ten years. It has offered miles of strength, as your blog does. Corey and I both read it.

Thanks for sharing the intensities of life, offering questions (and answers) in such an eloquent and real way.

[kris laroche]

thanks anne. im glad to hear from you.

[anne]

I don't comment often, but I love your blog!

[Stacy (Mama-Om)]

nice... wonderful!!

I love the photo, too.

[Shelly]

Oh, by the way, the Sugar Fairy idea was golden!! We kept out a handful of yummy pieces and put out a whole bucket of stuff. When my son woke up the next morning, at dawn as usual, he rushed downstairs. When he saw a present his mouth dropped open and he said real quiet "she does exist". It was adorable and then I felt bad for lying to him, but we're all enjoying the game he got. At least we aren't going back and forth about the candy. Thanks bunches again!!

[kris laroche]

thank you gen. so much. words like this inspire me back.

[kris laroche]

thanks mary. im glad. very.

[gen]

Your intention may have changed but I am continually inspired, invigorated and challenged by your writing. Thank-you for getting out of that cozy bed and writing.

[kris laroche]

thanks shelly. im so glad you are here and that this keeps you on the path you want. love that. it keeps me there too.

[Shelly]

Sorry, but your second to last paragraph cracked me up. I gain so much support from you and your blog, just from the tone of what you right and from where you sound like you're coming from. Your blog is so moving and I find it very helpful to keep me on the path that I want to go down, but seem to so easily lose. You are awesome!! Thank you!!

[mary leveque]

Just so you know...I have gotten so much from your blog because of your honesty and openness. I chuckle or say 'yeah that's how it is". It helps me on those hard days or on those fun days.

thanks

[kris laroche]

thanks erika.
i think you are swell.

[Erika]

Love your blog! Just sayin'. xo