natural parenting center

right now

on the cusp of a new year, i am thinking about what this past year has been, things i am grateful for, what the new year may bring, trying without luck to remember if there were any resolutions this time last year. 

i'm feeling kinda weepy, actually. a little sad and lonely and a little overcome with thankfulness, too. missing family on this cold, cold day where a trek to the mailbox is a major adventure. all of us still not feeling that well, but not terrible either.

i had a dream last night that saschy drowned and i can't shake the image of pulling her limp body from the water under the log jam. it has lodged a mysterious sorrow into my bones.

the alpenglow-like late afternoon sunlight is streaming in the window, flooding the room with amber and also lighting up the dog hair on the ground. when i look at other blogs i feel inadequate and consider quitting. 

this is right now. this here. it's such a mix and i have no tidy beautiful message or conclusion for you. just what is oozing out of my finger tips in this little space of the universe. 

wishes for this year coming? to be more open and undefended. to resist less. to be honest and vulnerable. to love. to notice more that is before me. to connect. to show up and be seen. to trust Life.

tonite we will pour sparkling apple cider and pop in some frozen strawberries to bring in the New Year (at around 5pm, we think). quiet and true. 

i do wish you and all of your loved ones a Happy New Year. Thank you for your willingness to BE.

 

post holiday healing

as far as holidays go, ours has been remarkably simple and easy. just the four of us, at home, with lots of skype-ing and calls and texts to those we love far away (even just a few blocks seems far in the hunkering down of chilly days and family magnetism). it's so different from the chaos of travel and extended family being together. both ways have joys which are so very different from one another. this year, though, i've been especially glad to keep it simple because we've been sick.

i've been determined to ignore it in myself for several days. a combination of stoicism and practicality, i guess. so much other stuff i'd rather do and eat. a case of not accepting reality. as i took a few sips of mulled wine (the perfect holiday drink, right?) i could feel my throat soreness spread. and sugar, of course. after being free of it for awhile, it was so obvious to me how tough it is for the body to deal with. but did that stop me? nosiree. as much as i might want to be health queen throughout the holidays, when it comes right down to it, the draw of gingerbread cookies delivered to neighbors  (and gobbled at home) is mighty strong.

so here we are, snotty and coughy and crabby. thankfully i think i guessed the right remedies for the kids since they seem to be healing quickly. i used this helpful chart. homeopathy is such a miracle. we haven't been in touch with our incredible doctor as much of late because of budget issues, so i'm doing my darndest to figure it out more on my own. oh my, when i get it right, wow. 

now that we are through the big days of treats, we are also bolstering our immune systems with chicken broth and a big dollop of ghee as well as a raw egg yolk or two. that healing alchemy along with many cups of ginger tea, echinacea, and rest will help us befriend our bodies once again. and you know what? i have no regrets...holiday treats and the cozy, connected feeling of carrying on traditions from my own mother are something i adore.

wishing you health and vigor in these days following, friends.

merry christmas

oh here we are. it is such an emotional time of year. i feel so much for all of you and want you to know what you already know...that we are all connected, that we are all loved, that everything (all the tears, the mess, the joys, the disappointments, the sorrow, the delight) EVERYTHING is beautiful. we are LIFE. 

may we find a moment, and perhaps more, where we feel into whatever IS for each of us and allow it all to BE.  may we let the ordinary be enough, even today.

with great great love,

kris

our life

 

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when a sleeping woman awakes, she can move mountains.
chinese proverb

happy solstice dear friends.

as we begin to move towards the light, i am feeling glad.

thank you for being here with me through all of the messy, confusing, dark side of parenting, as well as the exquisite joys. your willingness to take a moment or two out of the rush of your life to tend to your inner self is a tremendous thing. you are becoming all of the time and your children are the blessed recipients of every little step you take towards higher consciousness. i feel less lonely along the way because you are here. i hope its the same for you. 

let me remember

as i feel myself, in spite of all of my hearty intentions of simplicity, be pulled into the tides of wanting to make the holidays special by buying things, i will stop right now, breathe, feel my feet on the ground and the air pressing on my skin, and REMEMBER.

let me remember what matters. 

let me be still and trust that my presence is enough. to be fully with them, open to who they truly are this very moment, seeing them and sharing my whole self with them: that is the magic.

it is not there under the tree. that is immaterial, simply a fun little dance we will do together. let me remember that every day of this week is just as important as every other day, that if i rush and hassle and stress leading up to something, then i have forgotten. i have lost the whole point.

let me remember to wake up. now, and now, again, and now, again. soft and supple and willing to be awake for it all.

 

'Tis the Season To Be ... a Liar?

I pretty much love it that there is a season dedicated to being jolly. That kind of human earnestness is so charming to me. Grown men decorating bushes. Hardware store employees wearing red hats. It's all so unabashed. And it does feel merry and magical.

via talkfeeleez.typepad.com

I've been thinking so much about the whole season and all of the delight, joy, magic as well as the stress, worry, pressure that gets muddled all up together. Here Natalie wrote so much of what I feel and I'm so glad to read everyone else's comments about how they navigate it all. Instead of repeating all that here, I thought I'd just invite you over there...if you haven't been there already...

liberation is saying no

the other day a friend called. she is struggling with being a mama to her intense, sensitive, beautiful, fierce one year old child who wants all of her, especially in the middle of the night. she had tried a few other "counsellors" (big names, too) and was hurt, shamed, disappointed by the interactions. she wondered if i would be willing to coach her. she was offering a legitimate professional relationship because she trusts me and believes in my ability to help.

i said no. 

i could hardly believe it as the words were coming out of my mouth, for a few reasons. i have often put myself in the position of "helping" (teacher, life coach..) and thought i liked that, thought that was what i am meant to do. also, being offered pay? ooh. that's appealing (i currently earn no money of my own). and i like her and believe in her, so having the chance to remind her of that? mmmm. 

but i could see that creepy naggy thing in my periphy. that thing that may have always been there which led me to want to be credible, to be professional, to be sought after for my advice, to BE SOMEBODY. that thing which gets called ego. yuck. dark and ugly and heavy.

i said no to her because i don't want to have a schedule where i need to figure out who will be with these guys while i get on the phone for an hour.  i don't want to give advice (in fact, i currently think that refusing to offer advice to anyone, ever, unless specifically asked to-and maybe even not then- is a critical practice for my growth as a spiritual being). i don't want to change myself to become more "credible" or "professional" (notice the lower case writing??) which i seem to do thinking i'm not good enough simply being myself. all that, in addition to believing there are other people who are so right for parent coaching who are available and willing to help.

the very moment i started to tell her no, i felt hummy inside. that light, tickley, open, contented feeling which is the feeling i get when i am honest. kind of scary and kind of fantastic. 

liberation wears the color blue for me.

good-bye curls

I just finishes sweeping up a great big pile of curls. 

Elliott decided today that he wanted a hair cut. I can't remember the last time we cut his hair, other than a little trim of the bangs every few months. It was way past his shoulders. Skiing behind him yesterday up the rope tow I was amazed at those flowing locks and not so surprised that others were saying..."how old do you think she is?" He's been getting a lot of that lately, the gender confusion thing 'cause boys just don't have long hair usually, I guess. His innocence about it is precious.

Then, because it was getting in his eyes when he put on the hockey mask, he decided to cut it. Now it's short and I'm so sad about it. I cried the first time I cut it and I am crying now about it too. I supposed that at some point I'll stop feeling so sentimental about this baby...oops, I mean boy...and his child curls. It's so weird because in the utterly horrible moments of chaos and exhaustion and fury, I look forward to them growing up. Then like a schizophrenic, I'm crying about it and longing for it to stop rushing by so fast.

Oh bother. Guess that's just the way this is, this mothering thing. 

Then, listening to the first week of Chris White's Essential Parenting Home Course (which you can download for free from his blog), he read Kahlil Gilbran's words on children. I've read it before, and it still grabs at my chest and shakes me awake.

They are not ours. Never were. We get this deeply intimate experience of being with them, watching them, shepherding them, turning our lives inside out for them and with each day, they move more into their own true selves and away from their origin inside our bodies. That's what Life wants, isn't it?

And they we are, some day, back to being alone with ourselves, wondering what just happened.