kicking the sugar habit (at least for now)

Well, to be honest, a big part of my motivation for going to sleep with my kids each night is to kick the sugar habit. After they are in bed, I usually peel myself off the sheets then hit the chocolate almonds in a full-on-gluttonous binge. It's fabulous and horrible, all mixed up together. I get this inspired burst of energy to write here, clean, sew and knit, maybe even watch a movie or another episode of The Wire. Then around midnight I crawl back into bed, usually able to sleep (sometimes not). Then, when I open my eyes in the morning, I feel the impact of my late night choices with red, swollen eyes, a headache, and a body that feels like a cement truck. Insert instant need for strong coffee here.

Sugar addiction is real. I just read that sugar is as addictive as nicotine or heroine. Oh my. Seems caffeine is pretty much the same way.

So, going to bed is a major coup for me. Although we are still waking to nurse a million times (ok, maybe 5) a night, and I do still feel sleepy, I feel remarkably gentler inside myself when I lay off the coffee in the am and chocolate in the pm. It's like I've become my own friend again. (Though this is tricky, cause the chocolate feels like I'm being my friend, too, and the sugar denial can be punitive. It's all in the quality of my intentions, I guess. Need to stay alert to self-friendship, indeed.)

So, the other key for kicking the sugar habit, I'm learning, is to load up on FAT during the day. Isn't that incredible? Beside the stove right now there is coconut oil, homemade lard, ghee, olive oil. Then there is also regular butter by the block in the fridge, along with raw milk with a thick layer of cream on top. I'm putting fat in everything. It's good.

The best of all is our recent discovery of raw eggnog, though. 

2 cups raw milk with lots of cream

two raw egg yolks (the best, freshest, organic eggs you can find)

1 tbsp vanilla

splash of maple syrup

cinnamon and nutmeg

It's stunning. I hope you have a source of raw milk, so you can try it. 

Comments

[Martha]

your perspective on how it's gone for you is really helpful. i think the trick for me is taking those moments when i'm fearing it's all out of my control (typically big-time tension moment for me) and trying to see amos as objectively as i can. he loves singing, baking, dancing, the postman, lights, characters in white beards, deer with horns, all those things. he's not cultivating some plastic fantasy, he's just living and absorbing. i can see that he's largely if not totally within his senses, and i try to hold back on info overload or serious explanation, i guess to attempt to protect space for whatever dream state he's existing in, which as i guess it can be intense. as he gains more language i'm gradually seeing how non-existent the fantasy-reality demarcation line is, and trusting that. i like how you describe santa as 'a spirit' and how you've been open to shifting your stance. very grateful for your support, and for this conversation.

[Martha]

kris, thanks so MUCH.

[kris laroche]

also, martha...it would be interesting to ask amos what he thinks? do you know what they are talking about? what do you think when you hear the word santa? also...i can see the sway of getting stuff around here and i also see how it gets balanced out when we make things for other people and think about them when we are buying stuff. when elliott asks...what would he like? what is he interested in? i realize that giving and receiving are happening here and im glad for that.

[kris laroche]

hi martha. ive been thinking lots about your question and i dont think i have much worthy insight to offer you. you seem so in tune with your values and you see the conflict with what the culture is dishing up and i imagine you will navigate that with much grace. for us, we are now fully immersed in the santa world. i tried hard to discourage it when elliott was young. it felt horrible to imagine lying to him so i would say things like...theres not a real santa, there is a spirit of love and giving, etc etc, but he INSISTED on believing, so much so that i realized i was practically arguing with him. then it occurred to me that this was going to be ok. i still talk about santa as a spirit and not a real person and elliott gets that, i think, but is so fiercely in love with the magic behind it all. we tried saying yuletide instead of christmas too. but that didnt stick either. this year he is more interested in baby jesus and i think that i will share what i know of that story along with stories of solstice and buddha and other enlightened beings then and now. who knows...i would love to hear your thoughts on all this as your life with him progresses. i so value your insights and perspective!

[kris laroche]

hi martha. oh yes...those periods of time when they are your abiding shadow certainly can fuel the treats as in i need this. i tell myself that all the time. it sounds like you are so open and willing to see whats going on for yourself which i do think is the ultimate self-friendship, dont you? im not sure if the guiding to independent play is beyond your skill level but more likely beyond his right now. yes.. meditation might help, and sometimes wine/sugar/caffeine are whats happening. so that must be right in those moments too, for whatever they bring you...joy, peace, new insights, fresh resolve, delight, whatever. its all ok just as it is. loving you.

[carrie]

perhaps this will help your chocolate desire in the pm
I have noticed if i eat chocolate after 12 noon---my baby nuRses all night
when I don't totally different night time nursing.
Also i quit the caffeine in the am[ and i LOVE my coffee] because i was feeling my temper with my kids around 3 ish.
I now drink de-caf---and i can't imagine having regular
just my 2 cents
xxxcarrie-anne

[Martha]

kris, unrelated to kicking the sugar habit, but i've been wondering and thought i would ask you-- aside from minimizing contact with the hyper-commercialized world of December with your kids, how do you approach keeping the focus away from 'getting and spending'. Seems everywhere we go these days people's (unsolicited) interactions with Amos involve saying something along the lines of "what is santa going to get you?" "what are you going to ask Santa for?" bill and i have not at all fostered the story of santa in our home, though i am sure it will enter and we will need to deal with it. but Amos is merely 2.5 yrs old, and is confused, i think, by these signals. as I type this I'm thinking that maybe it's time to just explain what others are referring to, though honestly i feel it's not on my timetable, but on the culture's. i'd just be curious to know how you approach things, if you're willing to share, especially as you have an older boy and you've been down this road a bit. thanks.

[kris laroche]

oh thats right. my sister lives in Canada and i grew up there. darn. wish i could slip you some! its illegal here too, though somehow we are fortunate enough to have a connection to a farmer. did you check out weston a price website for a local chapter in your area? sometimes they are able to hook you up. im glad to hear that you connect with this and its also somehow reassuring to know that so many of us are in the same boat with sugar. on and off...noticing such a big difference. youd think that would be enough to keep us off, but its everywhere so seems nearly impossible to stay off. but maybe....much love to you debbie.

[Martha]

for me the loop that continually clinches and loosens is wine/sugar in the evenings, then coffee in the a.m.'s. i try to ask myself about it, "is it for coping with stresses? or "is it for true enjoyment?" -- or some mix of the 2. i try to just observe myself... which must be an element of self-friendship? it's not very easy for me to stop criticizing, but at moments i am able. how to guide a child or children 'play by themselves' seems completely beyond my skill level at the moment. i feel like my2.5 yr old is watching and narrating and attaching to my every move of late. it is so intense, and i don't always handle it with patience. so of course the evening and a.m. substances feel required. honestly i think a serious and regular dose of meditation would be the real balm. love to all fat-ingesting, self-friending, natural bear slumberers of this darker season.

[Debbie]

Oh yes...sugar addiction is SO real. Reading your post felt like I was reading about myself. When I'm off sugar I feel like a different person. And then I slip...

The eggnog sounds amazing. Sadly, raw milk is illegal in Canada. Stupid.

[kris laroche]

oh i know. the getting work done is the clincher. thats been very tricky. this morning i told them that i was going to do some work and could they please play alone for awhile. it was insisting, really. and it worked. not easy, though. im with you...there has to be the balance. right now its sleep for me and getting the critical work done as needed, i know it will change again. (i want to watch eat, love pray!)

[angela]

oh my, more sleep, less caffeine and sugar. i try to tell myself it is ok because it is organic tea and organic cane sugar, but still. it would be nice to not wake up tired all the time. but then, when to get work done, sigh.

good for you, and loving your self-friendship above all else! now if i can fit in more sleep, hmmm.

[kris laroche]

oh luschka. its not easy and its all ok, wherever we are at. ive been eating sugar forever...used to hide chocolate wrappers in my coat that my mom would find when i was a kid. im hoping to stay inspired, AND im going to be gentle with myself no matter what. self-friendship is ALWAYS bigger than anything you put in your mouth. with love, kris

[Luschka @ Diary of a First Child]

Oh *groan* I was just finishing off a pack of crisps when I read this. *Sigh* I know how right you are.