Un-teaching

I'm not sure if I've told you this, or if you remember, but back in the day (early 90's to be exact...how could that sound so ancient?) I was a teacher. A classroom teacher of small children, no less. It was the most exhausting job I've ever had, and probably the best (until becoming a parent, that is, which tops out on both...exhausting and best). 

I'm still undecided about whether this puts me at an advantage or disadvantage in the raising children without school department. It did reflect my innate love of children and desire to spend time with them every day which is clearly on the plus side. And one might think that all those teacherish sayings and clever little ways of attempting to impose learning on someone else would come in handy, but I actually think not. What I have noticed, both as a teacher and as a mama, is this: children don't like it when you "teach" them.

So, someone who went through years of formal training in cutesy grammatical rule rhymes and clever praise manipulations is most certainly going to struggle because they will have more personal de-schooling to do than a mama who was, let's say, a graphic designer. Fortunately for me, my teacher training was highly unconventional. I have no idea what magical forces landed me in a program which emphasized critical thinking (for teacher and student), open-minded observation, mining for our deeper personal beliefs about what learning is really about, and which promoted the work of John Holt and Sylvia Ashton-Warner, but magic it was. 

Maybe I'm not at such a disadvantage after all, then. What I do believe from those years spent with a room full of small, shining humans and these current times in a home spent with small, shining humans is this: do not "teach" unless asked to. Even then, answer the question that was asked, period. 

I must avoid with all my might, the following:

::all longer than asked for explanations (unless they ask for more information)

::asking more questions to try to "further" their learning when they've given me an "opening" 

::asking leading questions to which I already know the answer as a way of "testing" them (unless they like pretending to be tested and want you to ask them these types of questions)

::making corrections 

::inserting my own bias/opinion into the answer I am giving them 

::pushing them to learn something based on my own fears and insecurities about what they should know by now

So as Elliott messes around with letters (he is just beginning to be interested in them), I will not correct him (see top photo which is his attempt at ordering the alphabet). If he asks me what a word says, I will do my best to say it based on the letters he has written. I will not say...that's not a word because when I try to say it, he will figure it out for himself. Tonite in bed he asked, what does p-y-n-o-g-l spell? I told him and we giggled together. He kept repeating that and would sometimes add more letters onto the end. I did my best to say what the word would be. We laughed a lot. He is figuring out all sorts of things in that brain of his and he does not need me to interfere with that. He does need me to be there with him, witnessing, answering, and sometimes offering ideas, if he is interested. If I try to do more, he will either think that I am dumb or, much worse, that he is.

Maybe a better word for unschooling is un-teaching. (And this certainly applies equally if your kids are in school.) Have you noticed how they are born with everything they need to learn, learn, learn? That wonder is their natural state? For me, un-teaching helps keep that wonder alive as I keep myself cloaked in trust and watch in awe as they do their thing. 

 

Comments

[kris laroche]

Angela...oh yes. That process of unteaching ourselves. It is HUGE. Fascinating to keep revealing deeper and deeper assumptions which hold me in their grip. Wild.

[angela]

i love how my kids have "taught" me to "un-teach" myself! i struggle all the time between "pushing them to learn something based on my own fears and insecurities about what they should know by now" (so well said), and knowing they love to learn and will learn all they need to know when they need to know it.

[kris laroche]

Hi 6512. I would love to compile all of our lists of words and phrases and read them over forever more because they are perfect, and fleeting, and one of the many gifts of living with little kids. Thanks for sharing. Thinking about Col as the surgery date comes nearer. Love, k

[6512 and growing]

Kris,
I like what you say about "not correcting."
I love how my children say "gooder" instead of better, and I have this annoying inkling that I should be modeling for them the correct word, but I don't want to. I love their mispronunciations, their malapropisms, the way Col says "are you writing in discursive?"
Of course they'll eventually learn that "gooder" isn't a word, probably in the blink of an eye really.
Cheers to a gentle, inspired way of learning!

[kris laroche]

Hi Brandy. They are so so so amazing. When I turn down the volume in my brain and actually just sit and watch them, I am so blown away. Grandmas do love teaching, dont they? One of our grammies was a teacher so it is deeply ingrained in her, such a powerful habit. I think, too, that it is a way of connecting with them and leaving a mark, in a way. (eg. she can say...I taught him that). xxoo

[Brandy]

Great post! In our family, the grandmas try to do the teaching, though the only thing that has stuck is the number 2. ;-) Our little girl taught herself the colors by spending a few weeks asking the color of everything. Children are way more amazing than we want to give them credit for.