Big Feelings, Small Bodies

Grammy came to visit today. Elliott was up at 7:30am and out the door to make the car "sparkly clean" for our trip to the airport to pick her up. It was 33 degrees F outside. That's Grammy love for you.

The car washing, house cleaning, rock collecting and card making gave me more clues about what was going on inside that almost six year old body. 

He was also crying easily, fighting doggedly with his sister, including pinching and biting and clawing and grabbing and yelling. I could feel the stirrings of frustrating and anger within myself, but somehow remembered what is going on for him and to offer up some empathy.

Are you so excited that Grammy is coming today?

You've been waiting for so many days. 

Are you wishing she was here right now? 

Does it seem like a long wait for you? 

Are you having strong feelings right now?

He slumped and cried a little then got happier, looking me in the eye and asking me to throw the beanbag with him. Ah...sweet connection and a little release of his internal pressure. At least for a minute or two.

It got me thinking about feelings and that maybe I've always assumed, without realizing it, that small bodies equate to small feelings. I'm pretty sure that, at most, I considered children's feelings as equal in bigness and importance to our feelings. 

But what if SMALLER BODIES HAVE BIGGER FEELINGS? It's so possible. They are fresh and raw from the other world, connected more directly to Source, unfiltered, plugged in to the electrical undercurrent of being alive. 

Kids let their feelings guide them, they unleash the full power. I don't like the violent outcome that sometimes results and I will protect all parties to ensure safety. I will offer up empathy to tune them into themselves and to relieve some of the overload. I will give them space to unfold and then shift and feel something else completely.

When I remember. When I turn my back on the urge to shut them down and make them smaller for my own comfort. When I'm given the bolt of insight and clarity of the bigger thing that is happening for them. When I trust that big feelings are just fine and not ever who we really are anyways.

Welcome back, Grammy. We are so excited you are here.

xo

Comments

[Sarah Blackwell]

Thank you for shedding some light on something I have been wondering a long time:) When my parents come to visit my children simply exhausted, cranky and emotional when they leave. Now I am reminded to help guide them through their feelings and give them extra connection time with me:)

[karyn]

Hello and why haven't I been here before?!! LOL

I love the idea that our children might be too small in body to manage their big emotions. :)

[kris laroche]

Jennifer...It is heartening to hear how attentive you are to the words you use with your children. I imagine that degree of consciousness being so fulfilling for you. Im so glad you stop by to visit here. xxoo

[Jennifer Kaczmarek]

Beautifully, beautifully written, kris. I love how you tune in to your son (+ daughter). You are kinda like a beacon or a compass, consistently directing me back to true north.

Much good stuff in here; this was my favorite: "When I trust that big feelings are just fine and not ever who we really are anyways."

So important to remember -- that they are NOT who we are. My brothers and I were labeled all the time growing up, and I am SO ATTENTIVE to the words I use with my own son -- to not label him and equate him with his emotions or to interpret an emotion behind his actions.

Thank you for your words!

[Stacy]

This was so lovely, thank you.

[6512 and growing]

What if smaller bodies have bigger feelings?
This sums up a years-old conundrum for me.
You are brilliant!

[kris laroche]

Maryam...Happy birthday older sister and oh love, to the younger one who is not having a birthday. And huge big breath and tender hug to you, mama, balancing all those loves.xxooo

[kris laroche]

Maryam...when you notice yourself shutting him down, there may be a tender spot within YOU that is begging for your own loving attention, maybe a spot that you have been shutting out. xxoo

[kris laroche]

Anne...those bumpy waves of inconsistent behaviour consistently point to something, hey?

[kris laroche]

Yes, Bonnie. Yes.

[Bonnie]

thank you for this post and i should also remember the last line pertains to adults too, big feelings are fine and not who we really are anyway.

[anne]

oh, i like this post. I can definitely see how that is true. Our "grandma and grandpa" are also returning today after months away. We are lucky enough to live in front of them, so we really look forward to the months they are here! But now I can see that some "inconsistent" behavior here may be due to the fact that we have been hyping their return for the last couple of weeks. Hmmmm.
You always give me lots to think about.

[Maryam]

Thank you for posting this. My littlest is having lots of big feelings in the last few months, and when I remember it is so clear to me that there is always a reason for him to feel, always a reason for me to listen, and never a reason for others to try to shut him down (which happens too often, sadly). I will be thinking of this post as we go through the strong emotions of celebrating his older sister's birthday today.

[kris laroche]

Rachel: and was there anything anyone said or did when you were little that was helpful for you? How did you want those big beautiful feelings to be treated? xxoo

[Rachel]

I definitely believe that smaller bodies mean bigger feelings- I remember that distinctly from my own childhood. Waves of emotion so much more powerful and overwhelming and consuming than anything I experience as an adult.