natural parenting center

From scratch

I honestly think that most of us don't have the slightest idea of what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. To live in the presence of others who have no interest in changing one single thing about us. To be around others who believe that every single thing we say and do, every way that we are, is totally great. Where we can DO NO WRONG. Ever. 

Can you imagine? 

Then imagine feeling that way about yourself. Whoa. It would be so much quieter inside our own heads. We would know what we really want, because there would be no "should", no fear, no shrinking from judgment, no conflicting opinions to wade through. Would there be any inner conflict at all? Things would be a whole lot clearer. Free-er. 

We would pursue our true purpose because we'd actually know it. We could do good work in the world, and not doubt ourselves about it...whether that work is washing a dish or picking up dog poop or sitting in meditation, or reading a story to a child.

And here we are, doing everything we can to offer this to our children, without actually having it ourselves. We are making it up from scratch.

I love you for trying. You are more fine than you realize.

run with a view

Belief Breakthrough

NOTE: Only a few days left to sign up for Pay It Forward Special for the Magical Mothering E-Course (two for the price of one). Special ends May 1st. Course begins mid-May.

This happened to me yesterday, again (thankfully). You know what I'm talking about? Those blinding flashes of seeing yourself in a new way that actually UNblind you? They are like a love note from the ethers because they show me some belief that I've been lugging around like a dead weight. Some belief,  which, because I believed it, caused me to act in ways that go against what feels good, right and true for me. 

We see what we believe. 

The great belief breakthrough that happened yesterday was that I CAN APPLY THIS TO PARENTING!!  (Insert forehead slap here.) I have been delving into this consciousness-as-cause stuff and noticing how it shows up in so many places (money, relationships, parking spots), but I haven't totally applied it to parenting. 

So here is an example:

If I believe that cuddling Elliott after he has smacked Saschy will give him the message that it's ok to be violent, THEN IT WILL.

If I believe that giving children something they are asking for will spoil them, THEN IT WILL.

If I believe that I am being permissive when I say yes over and over during a day, THEN IT IS. 

If I believe that I have to prove to myself, my dad, the world that I am not a permissive parent, THEN I AM.

And...if I believe that being permissive is possible, and if possible that it is bad, THEN IT IS.

And here is the super fun part: If I don't believe these, and believe something else entirely, THEN THAT IS WHAT IS TRUE. 

I can love my children every chance I get, no matter what they do, and they will be kind and loving and respectful human beings.

I can give my kids information about how people like to be thanked, how gestures of kindness create more kindness, what consideration looks like and how they can be true to themselves and kind to others, and they will be. 

I can unschool my kids and they can be intelligent, globally aware, socially healthy, wealthy and happy human beings. 

This is so startlingly fantastic to me. 

In the last two days, I let go of trying to prove (which I hardly realized I was doing) that I'm not permissive and thought to myself, so what if I am permissive?  So what if someone plasters that label on me, even someone I adore? SO WHAT? Just in letting it go, in embracing it even, the whole belief in "permissiveness" imploded. (Or is at least rapidly splintering.)

It's like I stumbled upon a whole category of belief breakthroughs. It's freeing. It's refreshing. I'm happy about it. 

And I will keep on digging because there is gold in them thar hills, friends. GOLD.

I want to go here for more brain rewiring. 

 

Kindness Is The Cure

(I don't have a matching picture, so here's a look from a few days ago which matches the idea:)

Here's the scene in the house this morning...a tent is set up in the middle of the living room and we all woke up blisteringly early so emotions are blowing a bit strong and things are wild with play negotiations. Elliott has a strange red bump on his lower leg which now has a purple, hard kind of large welt all around it and it has been there long enough that I'm starting to wonder. I talk to him about having it looked at and he adamantly refuses. This kid is generally appreciative of factual information (I do my best to eliminate all fear and dire predictions, threats, etc and offer up neutral "facts", as I see them) and responsive to my suggestions when given lovingly and maturely. Not here.

He is thrashing around on the floor basically hating me and wishing the moon would come along and swallow me up, or something like that. 

I slide myself into an empathic state of being and offer up my best on a platter for him, really feeling into what might be going on inside his seething heart. Scared of it hurting? Shy about being looked at? Wanting to make his own choices about his body? Not liking it when we have different ideas? Mad that his body is taking a bit of time to heal it? Not wanting his plan for the day to be interrupted? 

We also move through the basics: hungry? tired? cold? 

Although a tiny glimpse of connection came through with the empathy guess about wanting to make his own decisions about his body, it was not the gush of relief that I wanted for both of us. 

What the hell? And this was after a sweet night of cuddling, where we whispered together beside Saschy's sleeping body and smiled about things for a long spell before falling asleep. It wasn't adding up for me.

Then, I asked him if I could hold him. He looked at me and I asked again. He came over and we ended up rolling around on the couch together, blowing raspberries and licking cheeks and other ridiculous giggle-producing antics. When we got up, he was a different kid. It turned into a different day, sort of a spiral UPwards kind of thing. 

I shook my head over it. The miracle of it. Kindness...connection...presence...whatever you want to call it. Empathy is part of it and not all of it. It's even bigger than empathy. It's huge. 

In the middle of burying my head in his belly button and listening to his laugh, I thought of the total, absolute bullshit our culture thinks of as "good parenting" which is floating around in our heads, stopping us from dropping everything during the toughest moments (when they need it most) and scooping up our suffering, beautiful children and holding and loving them full throttle. It makes me mad. 

It's in my head too and maybe that's why I get mad. Because sometimes I am resisting LOVE in favor of some other conventional crap that I am believing which is all entirely fear based and completely untrue (spoiling, permissive, teaching a lesson, doormat, manipulating me, playing me....). I won't do it. I won't use any supposedly scientific technique designed to train children to be obedient. I won't believe fear. I won't narrow my own heart. I won't compromise our connection.

I choose love.

I choose love.

I choose love.

Fate

Until you make the unconscious conscious, 

it will direct your life

and you will call it fate.

Carl Jung

This Moment

 A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Amanda Blake Soule

the living kitchen

Our kitchen counter is a buffet of aliveness, with bottles and jars of bubbling, frothing, fermenting, multiplying living things. Our recent delight is water kefir. The picture above shows the grains and the one below is the new jar filled with sugar water and grains ready to work their magic and turn it into a sourish, bubbly, pro-biotic loaded yummy drink. Read more here

Since the grains grow prolifically (though I do believe they will do even better when I replace that metal strainer), we are sharing and trading with friends. I remember that inspiring bit in Radical Homemakers which was a significant paradigm shift for me: changing our homes from places of consumption to places of production. 

The water kefir is living beside kombucha and yogurt and then at other times becomes roommates with cultured sour cream and sourdough and other nourishing goodness. I'm glad to be part of a community where I can access real food and learn from wise foody sisters and brothers.

 

Bye Bye Grammie

Grammy Eleanor came and went already. Today was our first day without her and oh my, how we all missed her.   Her visits add a special flavor of adventure and bright energy to our days. We love you so, Grammie.

Pay It Forward special for YOU

What would happen if that voice in your head went from being harsh, critical and judging to loving, friendly and supportive? I am finding out for myself as I use the practices from this course in my own life. Here is what is changing for me:

::Defensiveness has become mild, short-lived or non-existent, even in some highly charged situations.

::Noticing that I am engaged in friendly conversation with the Universe throughout the day

::Seeing whatever is happening in front of me as though it has been created for some lovely reason

::Asking the air for help when things get tricky...and help arrives

::Feeling big and powerful at the same time as tender and loving

::Being calm and confident and centered

::Judgements of others are no where to be seen

and more...feelings and sensations that I can't even name yet. There are mountains moving within me and everything outside of me is brighter, more enjoyable.

I've been wondering how many women out there are stuck in abusive relationships, with themselves. This may just be the hardest kind to leave because the life destroyer is living right there inside you. 

So...I want to share more of this powerful stuff with YOU. Here is the Pay It Forward special. You buy one spot in the Magical Mothering E-Course: Befriending Ourselves for a friend and I will give YOU a spot for FREE. 

Just email me after you've paid for your friend (pay pal button at bottom of link above) and I will add you to the group. I'm so excited about this. Remarkable things happen when you fall in love with yourself.

Offer ends May, 1st.

xo

This Moment

This Moment, a Friday ritual. One moment from the week to savor and remember, inspired by Soulemama