drollers

In a couple of weeks, this girl will be turning three years old. As we anticipate this monumental event in her life, we are spending some serious time together searching the net for the perfect baby doll stroller. We have chosen and re-chosen different models and types for many days, now. She liked the Valco Baby Princess Doll Stroller's pram style, but the color black wasn't quite right. For about an hour or so, the Alexander Doll Sweet Baby Nursery Stroller (for the color: pink) was in. Other favorites-of-the-moment have included the Chicco 00067878000000 CT 0 5 Doll Stroller(two handles and pink with hood), Graco Mirage Doll Stroller (pink, hood, with pink tray in front), the Classic Pink Baby Doll Carriage Stroller (5 in 1, including diaper bag, bed, two handled basinette and more), the Double Side By Side Umbrella Stroller (side by side? cool!!), the Graco Duoglider Twin Doll Stroller (ah hem..two hoods), the Classic Doll Twin Double Stroller (she could jog with it), then there was the one where the two babies face each other, and the one which included the car seat, neither of which I can relocate in the Google results right now.

As we go through the differing options, she will point out her top pick of the moment and say, "That one. I want that one for my berfday. Can we order that one for my berfday?" And I say YES.

This girl is not without her baby gear. She has a doll Ergo, sling, wrap, front carrier, a swing and the latest count is twelve babies. And yes, she already has two other strollers. The thing is, she uses them all, all the time. She is crazy about babies. 

It would be tempting, while she sits on my lap and we go through page after page of baby doll stroller results, to remind her that she already has two strollers. I could also highlight the similarities between the ones she already has and the ones she is looking at. When I look through my own eyes, I can sometimes barely see any difference and anyways, looking at all these strollers is getting tedious (Ha...how much time could I spend on the computer looking at what interests ME?).  When I look through my own lens, I might think this is totally ridiculous and borderline insane. My mind might say, "Are you kidding me? You want that cheap hunk of plastic pink crap with plastic wheels and ruffled polyester hood when you have this lovely wooden eco-friendly edition that is much more socially acceptable?"

But, and this "but" may be the single most defining value I hold for mothering, when I stop looking through MY eyes and look instead through HER eyes, I see an entirely different world. It is a world where bubbled pink wheels make all the difference. Where twin seats side by side rather than one behind the other is a life altering decision. In her world, this matters because the "play" she does each day is serious work to her. It is the real thing.

And, when I wade past the content of what we are talking about and plug into her energy, I feel lightning snuggled up on my lap. She is lit up, on fire, electric with the pulse of her own passion. 

We may negotiate letting go of some of what we have to make room for a new item. I may ask questions to help her make the decision based on things I know she cares about more than the whim of the moment. We might talk about money. 

Through all of it, though, this and all the other stuff that comes up a million times a day, I want to press my ear over her heart and hear what is inside there. Not what I want to be in there or what I think should be in there, or what could help me be less embarrassed when people come over or even what was in there yesterday, because today might be different. I want to stoke HER fires.

Empathy. Parenting with empathy. I keep stumbling upon the enormity of this thing, realizing over and over that it has so little to do with saying a certain thing in a certain way and everything to do with the stance I choose to embody as a mother. 

Stretching myself beyond the borders of my own skin to feel into her, into him, into you...it is a generous thing to give mySELF as it shrinks the small, personality-driven me and flexes the muscle of Essence: the joy generator.

Comments

[Stacy @ Sweet Sky]

Wow -- this post expresses so much of what I have been struggling with most recently (except for us it is star wars, guns, weapons, ninjas, etc). All of it there -- the discomfort, the embarrassment of what other parents will think, fear of how it will influence them, all coupled with a desire to trust their own timing, to trust myself to provide a safe space for them to explore, to see a very big picture.

Thank you for saying it all.

Love,
s

[kris laroche]

Hello dear Carrie-Anne. Yes , there certainly is that perspective, isnt there, of plugging a child into the world of consumerism and all of the fear and concern which tags along with that notion. The thing is, that I trust myself. Because of that, I can sense when its time to pull back and shift into something different and when its time to allow and move with her interests and flow. I am not afraid of consumerism. I am blessed with an intuition which astounds me in its clarity and guidance. It means that I am listening each moment to what is right here, and not following a particular rule or fear. I hear that you have strong values around simplicity, nature and you can see the gift you are offering your children by the choices you are making. I imagine that is fulfilling for you and very satisfying. Love to you and thank you for your perspective. xoxox

[Carrie]

Hello Kris
I love so much about this
One thing sticks out for me that I'd love your perspective on.
I feel that I don't want my children deeply involved in the longing for material possessions
Believe me we have a lot and I'm not talk about denying them anything
I just feel that if I go on the computer with babe in lap and show all the options out there that I am plugging my child into the world of consumerism.
I have always wanted to get my children that aha gift
That thing they would love and what I've found it is the gifts that grow in time that stand the test
Eg---when my eldest was 5 he wanted electronic stuff
IT was tempting ---everyone
Else has them ---they are small and take up such little room
But Instead I got him a wooden play stand
I was worried he would be disappointed
This gift is still a favorite 3years later
Just a perspective and I respect you so much and would love your feelings about this
Much love carrie-anne

[Maryam]

"the joy generator"... what an amazing phrase, and what an amazing thing to choose to see through the eyes of the young people around us and... oh my goodness "i want to stoke HER fires" is just lighting up my mind right now.

[Hilaree]

I love this..."I want to press my ear over her heart."

That's an image that sticks to your ribs.

What a powerful responsibility we have. And what joy to open the book that is your child!