Eating God

I have been a compulsive eater for most of my life. Essentially, this means...

::I ate when I wasn't  hungry

::I ate past feeling full

::I didn't what I really wanted

The number of books that I've read about what I should eat could earn me an honorary doctorate in something, maybe Eating Rules. Each rule set comes with a tidy label, too..vegetarian, macrobiotic, raw foodist, Nourishing Traditions or Weston A. Price, blah blah blah. I wrote about my declaration of shedding labels here. Funny thing is that you can find evidence for EVERY WAY OF EATING IMAGINABLE. I'm talking about honest to goodness "scientific proof" for the validity of eating any food or following any food eating system possible. Isn't that a little curious?

Most of my eating has been for the purpose of losing weight or changing my body in some way. That means restriction of some sort which is always an automatic set up for bingeing which is always an automatic failure of said original goal. The problem for me has been that ALL of these rules are external and equate to me giving the authority of my own body over to outside experts.  

I remember being 12 years old and eating cookies and spitting them out to try to get the taste without the calories. 

Being pregnant was the first time that I can remember that I ever let myself actually want what I wanted and have it. The power of giving myself that kind of permission to TRUST MY BODY, to trust every craving and to eat food for pleasure, to savor without counting fat grams or calories, was radical. It is radical. 

The problem with any expert advice is that  ALL of these rules are external and equate to denying the authority of my own self. When I read Women, Food and God, I wept. A Lot. Relief, regret, inspired, scared, simply being moved by the beauty and honesty of Geneen's writing. 

Then I began to look at these children I love.  Geneen has seven Guidelines for eating which boil down to this:

1. Eat when you are hungry. Eat what you want.

2. When you are not hungry, feel your feelings.

When we eat like this, it is like we are Eating God. We love ourselves with food. (Why not love ourselves with EVERY thing we say and do and think? But we'll save that for the E-Course-two days left to sign up.) That is what I want to give these children: an unwavering trust in themselves and their bodies.

It's certainly not the kind of parenting advice we see too often, let alone witness first hand. Thankfully my dogged hunt for inspiration in this arena has turned up some gems like this and this and this. 

So, we are starting here with a new tradition of Morning Feasts:

They wake up excited and ask, Can we have another feast today? Though, honestly, it could just be that we are all actually outside eating in the sunshine that is just as nourishing and fantastic.

Letting them choose what they want to eat feels scary and thrilling to me. Is this another adventure in radical trust, like the computer watching episode? I don't know. I keep coming back to trust and autonomy and I am willing to play at the edges of nurturing their inner authority because I know that the strength of the safe and loving container within which I hold them is powerful.

The dominate paradigm of control is not working for our planet, and I am not willing to perpetuate it within our family by standing guard at the fridge. There are ample opportunities for children to come up against the limits of living in a physical body in a physical world and I will stand by them as they navigate these experiences of authentic adversity (more on this to come), rather than create unnecessary power-over experiences which build resentment and anger and block their own intuition and self-trust.

In the meantime, may I move from fear (terror?) into trust that they know what food their body needs and when. May I nurture their inner knowing of how to love themselves with food. One step at a time as we see where this leads us.

 

 

Comments

[Catherine Forest]

Oh My! Someone just directed me to your post Standing strong because I am going through the same thing (very Waldorf early years, flirting with unschooling after reading Rue Kream's book, Sandra Dodd, the Sparkling Martin and others) and now, back to Waldorf... AND I also have the same story with food (did them all, raw vegan, Nourishing traditions and all there is in between!!). I totally recognize myself in you! Wow! We just had a discussion with Donna Simmons (Waldorf curriculum writer) about relaxed homeschooling on my blog, you should come read some excerpts. It was enlightening for me, but it is hard to go back to more authority for all of us... Lots of tears this week... God it's hard that balance between form and freedom, isn't it?

[MonaVie]

I applaud you for writing this piece. Everyone should practice the same. Eat when you are hungry and enjoy life, I am not a fan of starving oneself because of the physical gain that it will bring you. Eat what you want and practice moderation.

[KMR]

It might be true that advocates of almost every "way of eating" offer evidence of the nutritional superiority of that diet, but nutrition, or how our bodies feel, isn't the only thing to consider when making choices about what to eat. There are ethical considerations to make to, in terms of impact on the planet, treatment of the workers who harvested or processed the food, treatment of animals involved, that can all affect how the conscience feels about what is eaten too, and all diets are not equal in those terms. I think children care about the consequences and impacts of what they eat, not only on how they feel, but what ripples out into the rest of the world, because everything is connected.

[Daphne]

This is so funny. I just wrote a post about this a few days ago, http://thepleasurenutritionist.com. And have been having a great discussion about all of this in Goddess Leonie's circle. One of the women in the circle shared your blog with us. How perfect!

[rebecca @ altared spaces]

Wow. This is so beautiful. The food is so lovely and the feasting. I feel fed. Abundantly so.

Coming to visit today thanks to Sweet Sky/Mama Om.

[Hannah]

Obssessive eating, yes. Food cults, YES. Paranoid about whether what I'm eating is healthy? Yes and now my little boy is too. He also sneaks 'forbidden' foods at parties etc. Until recently I was so happy at my kid's amazing health but now I feel like my good intentions have backfired and I'd love to find some balance.

Something that holds me back is that my 22 month old has tooth decay (I think from following raw food diet) and my little boy gets itchy red excema from certain foods especially sugar. From where I am at the moment, I can't envisage going for full food freedom but am deeply inspired by it. Grateful for any tips on a way to move towards it...

[kris laroche]

Darn, Teri. Though yes...sickness must contribute to the lack of enthusiasm. If you keep going for it, Ill be curious to hear how it is for you all. Ive been doing some afternoon feasts too...veggies, salami, cheese, olives, pickles, crackers, berries, dip, etc etc...xoxo Feast for my eyes, if nothing else!!

[Teri]

Kris - thanks for asking. Our Morning Feast didn't go as well as I had hoped! I made apple wedges, orange slices, blueberries, hard boiled eggs, and some manna bread. I loved it! But my daughter had been sick all week and I'm guessing she was just being a little more discerning than usual. She did eat the apple wedges though!

It's so hard to know when to let them take the lead, or when to guide. E. hardly eats at all, and when she doesn't, she is SO cranky! I see the link! But of course she doesn't (She's three!). But we made some yummy chocolate chip cookies tonight and those got gobbled up!

ah well!

[Tonia]

ah yes, this post resonates deep with me. I have explored the gamete of food "cults" as well. (every one that you mentioned plus a few more...) I am finding the balance...slowly, trying to listen to my body- really feel what I am physically feeling and appreciating the life energy in every part: harvesting, shopping, preparing, serving, eating.
I do struggle with trusting my kids. But it always feels better when I step back and believe in their own intuition. I am way too hard on myself about their health. when I do give myself a break and look at the big picture- all really is well. but those labels....healthy/ sweet etc. slip out of my mouth and it feels pushy and creates forbidden fruit...which leads to binging and guilt and... but I am trying to have openness around this with them and myself.
thanks for the book mention. I have it on my list now!

[kris laroche]

HI Lucia: Just seeing that as what it is seems helpful. As you focus on healing yourself and growing your own consciousness in that area, he will benefit. Trust trust. What would it take to mindfully savor every thing you put in your mouth, no matter what it happens to be? Thats what Im being aware of right now. Love to you, sister.

[kris laroche]

I like this, Carrie-Anne. Yes...I sure see how there is an ease they feel and kind of a relaxation when they can lean into consistency. (I bristle a little at that word because I see how it can be over-used and used against what may be best in the moment.). Each night these two are now talking about tomorrows morning feast, so that has become the new routine/consistency. And there is no either/or. I can see sometimes how they need me to be more of a leader and guide them and other times they want to stretch themselves with making bigger decisions. It is such a dance! One of the things that I regret which I want to change is that Ive set up this either/or in their minds by using the words healthy and sweet. UGH. That is not working for us at all and I wish I never started that! I want to say more things which tune them into how their bodies FEEL, not categories of foods necessarily. Offering observations of them instead of evaluations...oh yes. always always learning. love to you.xoxo

[kris laroche]

HI Anne:
Im so glad to know that you are exploring such similar pursuits in our two lives. Feels bolstering to me. Hope your loves continue to feel better.xoxo

[kris laroche]

HI Karyn: I appreciate this perspective, for sure. Offers up some choice and also allows you to do what you do in providing for them. Its not quite it for me, though. Although there are certainly times when I will say...this is what is available right now, I am more interested in involving them on a deeper level. xoxo

[kris laroche]

Hi Teri...how did your morning feast go today???

[kris laroche]

HI JLF:
A few things that work for us...1. putting dried stuff (like nuts and dried fruit) into a trail mix baggie. Sometimes repackaging and using later adds sparkle somehow. 2. smoothies with the leftover fruit. I love this solution and even will freeze up the leftover brownish chunks of fruit to throw into a smoothie later. 3. chickens next door. Somehow it never feels quite as wasteful when Im feeding another creature who then turns around and makes food for someone else. xo

[JLF]

The feast looks delicious and I also believe that children should have autonomy when it comes to eating. The thing I struggle with, though, is the waste! What did you do with the stuff left over from the breakfast feast? I imagine if I made something like this for my children, around half would be left by the end of the day and wouldn't keep well. I really don't want to eat what's left, just because it will go in the compost otherwise. I’d love to hear some wisdom around feeding children and waste.

[Teri]

Your morning feast looks AMAZING! I'm inspired - I'm going to fix one up tomorrow! Can't wait!

[karyn]

You chose what, they chose how much...works well.
I often mistake thirst for hunger. Seem to have that sorted - today.

[anne]

Kris, I just came across this kind of idea earlier this week here:
http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
(I see that you linked to her, too. I started visiting her site after reading your interview of her!)
and committed to trying it for a month or so...but C got a stomach flu the next day and has had nothing but breastmilk for 4 days. I am excited to see where this will lead once she is ready to eat food again.
I, too, have been overly attached to labels in my eating (atkins, vegan, vegetarian, nourishing traditions, and raw foodist are all labels I've tried on, some a lot longer than others), but now that I have a daughter who is starting to notice things like that, I realize I need to take a huge step back from this kind of thinking and eating.
I'm off to explore all the links...

[Carrie]

I think it's not so black or white.
I can understand having struggles with food as many of us do-- and I am inspired to not pass this on.
However I can see that my children thrive in consistency---so we make a calendar together that encompases our favorite foods
We all know whatsfor breakfast --and dinner
Easier on me cooking every meal
I will create a healthy snack---yummy---healthy---put it in the middle of the table and it's gone
I would not do the ----eat whatever they feel
I personally feel it's stressful for children to make decisions that as a mother I must.
We eat all kinds of stuff
I would never force my kds to eat something---
Ice cream cones are a regular part of our lives

I think it important to not go so far the other way because of our own issues
That I feel came for me from modeling---mother dieting ect---media
So I model balance
Xxxxcarrie-anne

[Lucia Figueiredo]

This post resonates so much with me, with my own food struggles (I'm a compulsive eater too) and with my son's food preferences. He has never been too interested in food. At 2,5 years he much rather breastfeed than eat anything else. I've always let him choose what he wants, giving him plenty of heathy options. The few things that he likes (mostly chocolate, pasta, bread, apple juice)are not the best options, right?

So I'm scared that I've screwed him up by not forcing him to eat more healthy food, by not setting a better example. I don't know... I guess this is THE area in parenting that I'm least confortable with right now. And, not suprisingly, the hardest issue I face in my life as well.

[Vickie]

I love this: "The dominate paradigm of control is not working for our planet, and I am not willing to perpetuate it within our family by standing guard at the fridge."

Beautifully said.

You can do it! And trusting yourself in this area will be easier when you practice by trusting your kids. Trust me ;)