this crooked path

I have been noticing all of the ways that this path of mothering, no matter HOW you do it, is so very crooked, as the wise and lovely Karen Maezen Miller describes. One of the curvy bits for me is following the passions of each of these small-big human beings as it arises each day and ending up in such unexpected places.

 

Yep...golf. Never could have predicted that one when I imagined mothering before the real mothering began.

But there we were on the driving range a week or so ago, with a bucket o' balls, as the snow storm swirled around us. 

It started with the purchase of a wedge from the Goodwill and grew into a flaming interest which begged for attention. This boy loves sports. Every single one (except volleyball, he informs me). He loves sports so much that the other day, when I was sobbing after a tormented kind of afternoon (that's the other crooked part I'm going to tell you about), we were talking about things that I was NOT sad about and he said...sports, mama. You're not ever sad about sports!

Another crooked part is negotiating the often very different interests of his and hers, though there are these flashes of willingness when her joie de vivre encompasses his hot pursuit of the moment. In that moment I inhale deeply and give thanks. The rest of the time I hop back and forth between being witness to his jubilation and frustration and rolling across the grassy lawn/make believing myself into being her child/rearranging the various babies into various carrying devices.

Like this.

I love our unschooling life. We do get to follow passions and take time to toodle down the block and pet the neighborhood cats. And spend an afternoon at Animeals, loving on those homeless kitties. The crookedness of our days, punctuated with a rhythm of regularities (morning run, milk pick up wednesdays, play group mondays, food shop day, pizza/movie night...) is satisfying. And we are moving out into the world more and more as they grow up. I've been the cocoon-them-as-long-as-possible kind of mama and now we are venturing out to DO more.

Our first running race, this last weekend, the Riverbank Run to support the YMCA was fun, fun, fun with the added adventure of snow storms.

Their little brave legs taking them across the finish line nearly melted me. With people cheering and everything. 

And the fun continued with smoothies and cashew cookies for dinner. I was lounging in that glorious perspective of trusting us all completely and allowing delight and wonder reign victorious.

Part of me wants to just leave it right there. Finish it off with the "good" stuff, the easy things to report. But, because I respect you, I just can't do that. I won't play a part in the "perfect mother" game? image? blogging trend? because it is so much more than that and we are all out there having all these experiences and all these feelings and all these doubts, worries, fears, shame, guilt, loneliness, anxiety....Every bit beautiful.

After so many days of feeling deeply attuned and in love with life, the day after this, sometime in the afternoon, it was like a flip switched, or the path got crookeder, or maybe I just followed the dark thoughts down one fork in the road, when days previous I hadn't. I yelled when they fought and then cried and then we all hugged and then I cried some more and yelled some more and felt like a heap of awfulness and tenderness and rawness and it all folded back in on itself, kneading our hearts in unknown ways. 

There is that, too. 

Crooked. Inside and out. Can we be in love with all of it?

Comments

[kris laroche]

Hi Lauren...so glad you stopped by and thank you for saying that. Wishing you much love,
Kris

[Lauren]

Just found your blog. Really needed this honesty. The beauty is clearer when is meshed in with the truth. thanks.

have good friends in missoula, seeing the mountains makes me miss them so.

[Alex t]

Crooked and full of speed bumps and road blocks and unexpected vistas that then take your breath away. Of all the posts I read this morning in my Reader this is the only one that made me feel good. Thanks for being perfectly imperfect.

[kris laroche]

HI Eleanor: That's fun that the water kefir is getting more fermented. The burritos we made were pretty simple...black beans soaked and simmered for several hours, add some tomato sauce/salt/chile powder, then mix with rice and a little cheese melted on tortilla. So basic. Love k

[kris laroche]

Hi Kristanne: I think the legal requirements vary from state to state. Here in Montana, we have not discovered any required syllabus or curriculum as of yet. Theres a big range of possibilities with home schooling/unschooling. We dont use any formal curriculum and simply follow our kids interest as well as live our life together...cooking, reading, playing sports, spending time in the woods, river, etc. I was a teacher and so I feel confident in my abilities to enrich their interests and facilitate their learning in any way they need, but you sure dont have to have any kind of educational background to unschool. What you do need is a strong respect for childrens natural, innate abilities to learn and trust that they will learn what they want/need when they want/need to, and will be more than fine in the long run as a result of being left to their own curiosity and wonder. I love love love it and when I feel a little scared or concerned about giving them enough, I just do some reading to reignite my trust and respect. Check out books by John Holt, Sandra Dodd (her website has a ton of information), Dayna Martin (radical unschoolers), AERO (alternative education resource organization) and more. Let me know if I can give you any more information or ideas. I want to support parents who are interested in something other than regular schooling and want ideas/inspiration/support in finding what works for their family.
With love, Kris

[kris laroche]

Ooo Teri. I will check them out. Thanks for your love. Im grateful to you. xoxo

[kris laroche]

Anne...Our friends who have the farm cut down the club for Elliott and it made SUCH a difference. The driving range was so much fun, although he wanted it to make it in the hole so badly. Well rent a cart one day this summer and go for a toodle around the 9 hole for fun. Why not? In hot pursuit of passion...Thanks for your support on the honesty thing. Im glad it keeps you coming back. Its scary being so vulnerable and also the only way I can live. xoxo

[anne]

thank you for your honesty-it's part of what brings me back here again and again! Clementine is into golf, too. My father offered to cut down a club for her this summer (he did this for my brother and I when we were little). I love the driving range idea!

[Kristanne]

Kris, I know NOTHING about unschooling. What I do know is you enjoy your days and take them at your childrens' pace. But what are the legal requirements? Do you have to follow any sort of syllabus/cirriculum?

[Teri]

Thank you for NOT perpetuating the perfect mama blog life. I truly appreciate it.

I'm reading Liberated parents, Liberated children right now - those ladies tell it like it is. Love it - they are caring, dirty, messy, imperfect, loving, crazy, and TRYING. Just like you!

[Hilaree]

Thank you for being honest. So overwhelming to lose it and yell, isn't it? I am embracing the belief that it's important for our children to see that we're human.

[Eleanor Laroche]

Love this blog and the beautiful pics! I'm not surprised at the golf--he mentioned it when we rode one afternoon past the golf course. He is sooo sported minded(wonder where he gets that?) Kris, could you tell me how to make the rice/black bean concoction for burritoes? I'd like to make some. Will cook my own black beans as I couldn't find any canned ones. Must be popular. Also, the last batch of water kefir came out more fermented after 4 days. I'm doing a new batch & the grains are definitely growing. Love, Eleanor