october moments

I feel such a stunning array of emotions during this month of falling...

::delight breathing in deep lungfulls of moist, crisp air which tastes like the color orange

::blissful overwhelm with the abundance of apples, plums, tomatoes, potatoes, nourishment from the earth in every shade and flavor begging to be pickled, frozen, dried, somehow tenderly kept longer than just this one moment of ripeness

::spilling over gratitude for days like this past rainy sunday of cider pressing with friends, drinking in the golden brown explosion of fresh sweetness and laughing along the hours of turning the weathered crank and scooping bucketfulls of pomme de mush

::timid dread for the months of darkness ahead, bundled inside separate houses, each of us alone in our little world of children, struggling to convince chubby toes to wear tights and boots and layers and layers and layers

::fierce determination to keep us all healthy, already seeing that the forces of seasonal change are bigger than my dropperfull of echinacea, trusting that winter is an immune builder somehow

::excitement for holiday plans to drive north to be with family

::joyful for the creativity of making holiday things, starting already

::restless which seems to be a fall thing for me, resisting the earth's wisdom to call me inside myself, to embrace quieter rhythms, to trust the cycle of death and darkness and let that be too, instead wanting to flee on travel adventures, to shift and heave and demand even bigger changes, to shed old skins like the trees letting loose their leaves

::eager to celebrate and honour, like the leaves call to bring forth their most stunning display before they set themselves free of all earthly bonds

::sad to let go of the dreams of summer which never came to bear fruit

::and happy, to be here, feeling these feelings, riding the waves, with two strong legs and a beating heart with fingers that smell like pumpkins and apples.

Comments

[kris laroche]

hi anne. oh goodness im glad that dear boy is getting better. yes...excellent doctors. phew we are so blessed to be able to have that when we need it, arent we? the fabric of those curtains is in the play room and i do think it is echino. isnt it incredible? i just love it with the birds and bugs and strips and dots. are you making your new abode cozy and all-lived in? xo

[Anne]

love this! I am feeling ::grateful for excellent doctors right now. My little guy has pneumonia, but is quickly on the mend. Then I hope to enjoy more typical october moments! Are those your new curtains? IS that echino fabric? I've been looking at some for kitchen curtains, but I haven't seen that. I gasped when I looked at that picture!

[Heidi]

Your so sweet writing leaves me feeling the cider press in my hands, laughing with friends too and smelling the scents of fall as you've described. Until we are together thank god for your blog to keep me close!
xo

[Martha]

WOW. I love the ancient cider mill. So cool. I can connect to what you write about internal states in the fall, the rush of seemingly diametric emotions and pulls--inward, outward --especially that notion you describe of restlessness and urge to wander. For me it links back to something in childhood that had to do with staying out in the outside world the absolute latest, longest possible, sort of against the odds or something... holding off on completely shutting the windows that stayed open all summer, canoeing across a choppy lake in November towards a deserted shore, exerting stamina in whatever way I could, all the while aware of that 'timid dread' for the months ahead. Montana especially is such a theater of closing in darkness this month, like the race for the winter solstice is on in earnest.