simple

I have been wanting to write something here for awhile now but I've felt stuck. Where to begin? Things have changed, inner and outer things. The landscape is different. What do I talk about? What gets shared and what remains private? How do I reconnect with you, many of whom I consider friends? Do I try to catch you up since you've been such treasured co-travelers along so much of the way? What is this blog about anyways and what place does blogging have in my life anymore?

I don't know.

Seems to me that simple is often (always?) the answer. What does simple look like here? Now?

I don't know.

Here's something: I feel happy.

It seems to me that truth is alive. It moves and changes and maybe it takes a little practice (or maybe not) to follow this directional pull. Truth is an inner thing. I can't copy your truth, or even what I thought was my truth from last month.

Maybe there are some pillars. Maybe there are some things which remain stable for each of us over the long term. I don't know. Maybe there is some cycling involved, things we come back to that were once true, that we come back to after some time off.

Winter is like this for me. I love winter. When I had a baby, this changed. Now that this baby is 6 and a half years old, and another one dances through our days with us, I am remembering.  Mountains and snow and skiing and winter.  Pure joy.  Most of my life's best moments have happened in the backcountry under a blanket of cold ,white fluff. I worked as a ski patroller, took people winter camping, started an alternative high school program which spent much time in the wilderness in winter, wrote a Masters thesis called "Living with Winter", took mountaineering courses, climbed Mt Athabasca, toured many days at Rogers Pass, got my Canadian Avalanche Operations Level 1 Certification, organized a helicopter in backcountry hut week with friends at Fairy Meadows.

Bundling up chubby baby toes to go out in the cold just didn't quite hold the same appeal. Staying in the warm and cozy house, knitting and cooking and working on myself to be satisfied with what is, following the interests and meeting the needs of these little people became everything.  In a way, it's like I morphed into a diffferent person for a few years when I became a mother. Or maybe more like the pause button got pushed on those before-babies passions.

They got un-paused.

My gaze has lifted, widened from the laser focus being entirely on life at home with children. Elliott is going to school. I am working part-time teaching avalanche education classes. I run most days, cook less, wake early to read the weather forecast. I am in love with my husband.

I feel happy.

Some people might call this balance. I have satisfying parenting moments and horrible ones. I spend time with my children and time without them. I don't know what I'm doing most of the time and I surely don't want to give you advice about how to be. I know when things feel right, which usually involves me being kind but sometimes involves me yelling my brains out then watching the dynamic shift. I want to be kind to myself because there is no road map, and maybe even no right or wrong.

I guess this didn't turn out to be so simple after all, eh?

Oh well. Like I said....I don't know. (Uncertainty can be a beautiful thing.)

 

Comments

[kris laroche]

hi keely. im so glad you come by here. so glad.

[Keely]

kris--
so glad to see you here again. always feel like i am on a similar path/journey. the tug, push, pull, rest, kneading, and then it rolls out in front of us...life.
had checked here a few times...excited tonight! miss your words

keely

[Hilaree]

There you are, lovey! You've made some momentous shifts. How courageous. I think of you often. I am in a process now too of teasing out my identity as mom and woman and wife. Sending you light.

[isa]

i had been thinking of you.
thanks for being so authentic in your sharing with us. i am so thankful that you did dare to do so.
and, of course i would love to hear more. when. you. are. ready.
much love from Europe!
Isabelle

[kris laroche]

Thank you Jennie.
I feel that hug and send one back.
Much love to you and yours,
k

[Jennie]

I've been checking in every once in awhile awaiting a post from you. Thank you for always being authentic with us. Your real is just right. ((Hugs))

[Reylan]

I guess you need to unwind and froget all the things that bothers you.

[6512 and growing]

I enjoyed this post, Kris.
Thank you for sharing where you are at.

[kris laroche]

HI Jenny...I will talk about that more soon. The transition was a big one and also easier than I ever could have expected.

[kris laroche]

Thanks Joanna.

[kris laroche]

I love you too, Amy M friend.

[kris laroche]

Thanks Lauren. I like that you are here.

[kris laroche]

Always glad to hear from you, Martha.

[kris laroche]

Thank you Stacy. Lovely to hear from you and remember your sweet self.

[erin]

delighted to find this,
delighted you are here
and delighted you are happy and sharing that.
that is enough :)

~erin xo

[Teri]

Welcome back, Kris! Sounds like you are enjoying life's twists and turns and challenges and joys. I am happy to be able to read your words again!

[Stacy @ Sweet Sky]

Dear Kris,
I am glad you feel happy.

I am glad you posted.

Be well... keep following the movement.

Love,
Stacy

[Martha]

I've really been thinking about the idea that, as you say, "truth is alive", and the question of whether it cycles, or whether we leave it and return to it. I can see some things in my life that way. It's really great to hear about how things are shifting for you, how the gaze has lifted. I so appreciate any visits you make to this place, blog land.

[Lauren Acker]

I am so happy you wrote a post. I appreciate and value your honesty.

[Amy McGregor]

This gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes. I love you friend.

[Joanna]

And so it goes. "It seems to me that truth is alive", I love that. xo

[Jenny]

I have missed your posts and am glad that you're back.
Am so interested to hear about your family's transition to school and you doing work outside the house if you decide you want to share.
Kind Regards,
Jenny

[Andree]

I've been reading your posts for awhile. Thought I should comment today. So glad to see a note from you. Thank you for your honesty about life.

[Whitney]

:)

[Anne]

I've been checking this space often to see if you were "back" yet. I am so glad to hear that you are happy! Thank you so much for continuing to share your parenting journey, especially as it takes you to unexpected places. I feel a similar change coming for me (us). Can't wait to hear more...

[Carrie]

I was just gonna comment you and say come on back Kris, and here you are.
I totally get it. -I had a full on fantastic career before I had my first, I have loved this mothering gig more than anything and now 3kids in I need to refocus on me---
School gives us so much rhythm and it works for our family.
There is no one way to do anything but what I do know about you thru your blog is that your honest and able to express deep stuff thru your writing.the world needs your voice--I get inspired by your journey

Here's to life and all that it brings
Here's to admitting we don't know it all.
So glad to hear you love your husband--that's great news
Much love Carrie-anne