natural parenting center

Life has your back.

Sitting in the middle of throngs of people at the Saturday Farmer's Market, my usual response is mild panic and slight overhwelm. When there is chaos around me and lots going on, I get more controlling of what''s in my sphere, namely these children.

Ick.

It simply NEVER feels good to get irritated, clamp down, get angry, rush and cajole and insist. There's something I'm thinking in those moments that isn't true. That's what suffering is, a confused belief. Going on a hunt for that belief and why it's there and what it means isn't much use. Inviting it to change and releasing it for something better is.

Today, I could feel myself trust Life. That simple phrase changed everything. Life has my back. I closed my eyes periodically to reduce the stimulation and felt much calmer. I kept my attention on the grass under my knees, breathing, the sounds everywhere, and my children racing around. I let myself believe that departure would happen, that things would turn out. That's the "work" part, that's the discipline and the only job for my will.  Before I was giving my will the job of changing outer conditions. Actually, that part is not up to me.

With this shift, I felt gentle...and kind. I let myself be who I want to be.

Today, it was something small...a busy market. Someday it will be something else.  It doesn't matter, and actually, to Life there isn't even small or big. It's all the same....

Question is...are you gonna choose to trust the grand forces of chaos which made you and these children and this day and is creating every NOW? Or not?

Tickles in my Tummy

Oh my. The theme of my days lately is miracle...miracle...miracle. Some little, some enormous, all of them giving me tickles in my tummy, a sure sign of joy for me. 

::Fate Project Musings, this one in particular. Reading through these writings feeds my soul.

::cottonwoods blooming with their scent of sweetness dancing on every air molecule

::practicing yoga at home in the presence of these children, with wee hands patting me on the butt, telling me that looks hard, pulling out the matt beside me. It's real life yoga, to me, part of my ordinary life.

::allowing the ordinary life to be enough, plenty in fact. Simply beautiful.

::this parenting resource...it says it ALL. If you buy it and want to talk about it, yes yes yes! Let's do that.

::not helping my kids do physical things. I've stopped boosting into trees, spotting on the monkey bars, hoisting up ladders. I've told them that when their bodies are ready, they will be able to get themselves up and down and until then, they need to wait. It has been huge. I couldn't stand doing that, didn't feel safe about it, and notice that in this small way, I am encouraging them to learn delayed gratification. This has been on my mind so much lately...parenting in ways that build resilience and patience without losing our connection to one another.

::pressure cooked brown rice and homemade gomashio. Yum.

::popping dandelions out of the grass. Ahhh.

::Looking for signs of magic on the walk to school. Listening to what they see, what small miracles present themselves to small people. Yes.

What is giving you tickles in your tummy these days?

 

gratitude and children

If, during the first period of life, we create an atmosphere of gratitude around the children, then out of this gratitude toward the world, toward the entire universe, and also out of thankfulness for being able to be in this world, a profound and warm sense of devotion will arise . . . upright, honest, and true.
        —Rudolf Steiner, The Child’s Changing Consciousness

Lifeways

It is 5 in the morning. I am sewing blue shell buttons onto this newly knitted green sweater, wishing I had a camera. The kitten is crawling all over me. There is bread pudding baking in the oven, inspired by Natalie's snack at playgroup yesterday. I am listening to Lifeways: LIfe as Curriculum for the Young Child. Cyndi Aldinger is talking about how children become free to call upon themselves to follow their own creative urges when we immerse ourselves completely in whatever we are doing...kneading dough, washing windows, knitting a hat. Our presence, our in-ness has an impact on them and they are drawn to either become involved with us or involved with their own project. They become free.

As I was trying to give you the link to the Lifeways site, this poem kept showing up and copying itself wherever I clicked Command V. I'm guessing I need to share this with you.

Life Never Fails

by Beth Atchison

I have fallen between the cracks
and landed in the spaces
where love never fails

Beloved, you are my captor
and I am bound by your love

I hear you whisper softly
don’t speak. words fail here, just listen

churning on the seas of your desire
I am the rising and the falling

the beginning and the ending
the fullness and the emptiness

journey to the furthest point of your yearning
I am the anguish and the exaltation

I am the grain of sand awakening the pearl

I am the morsel you are tasting
be it bitter or sweet

quench your deepest thirst here
where you think I’m not

I Am.

Empathy, above all else

Empathy. Children need to experience empathy in order to develop their wholeness. Empathy is an essential part of allowing our children to flourish. It's not so much a parenting strategy as an experience we create for them.

I can't support that scientifically, though I'm certain someone could. It would be pretty tough to prove otherwise. It's simple, and not easy, to be empathic. It takes overriding our own need to understand, our own urges for logic, our every opinion of what's sensible or reasonable or right. In that way, it is so very good for us, too. Everything we want from meditation and yoga and whatever other practice we use to be grounded in the living present, well, we get that when we are empathic with our children.

Tonight was an emotional evening for Elliott (6 1/2 years old). Here's a little of what went down...

Mama, I want to watch a movie.

It's not movie night, honey.

(With anger and tears) I either want to watch a movie or play baseball with you!

Elliott, I need to do some chores to get us ready for bed and so I'm not going to play baseball with you right now. And we aren't going to watch a movie.

(Crying) I just feel like everyone is being so mean to me today. I'm having a really hard day. I'm so mad at you.  You never do what I want you to do. You never play with me.

(I'm thinking...Are you kidding me? We just played baseball in the front yard and we've been doing so many other things that you wanted to do today! And so many good things happened for you at school that you were telling me about. Are you crazy? I resist the urge to say any of this realizing that my point of view is totally irrelevant right now.)

Honey (reaching my arms out for him), will you come here so we can talk about this?

No! (Turning away from me with arms crossed).

Are you feeling sad?

I'm mad.

You are mad because everyone is being mean to you today?

Yeah.

What's been going on? Will you tell me more?

T spit at me and said I couldn't play with him at school today. And J wouldn't play with me either at recess.

You didn't like it when that happened, hey?

Yeah...he is so mean and I'm never going to play with him again.

You are feeling pretty mad about it. You didn't like it when that happened.

(Again resisting more urges...to remind him of all the good things that I know happened today, giving him advice about how to talk to kids when that happens and what to DO about that situation, giving my own opinions about those kids, getting mad myself that this is going on at school, trying to cheer him up or get him to see the positive side of things.)

No. (Now he lets me hold him and I can feel his body soften and release.)

(I remind myself throughout that I don't know what it's like for him, I don't understand what he is working out right now, though I WANT TO UNDERSTAND AND FIX IT...believe me. I want to figure it out because the emotions don't make sense to me, so I'm thinking he's hungry, he's tired, something else is going on....and I let those urges float on by as I remind myself that I don't know what it's like for him and that simply moving through emotions is enough, letting them have some space to be without me interfering or judging them is enough...more than enough...it's healthy and essential. This helps me just be there and hush my mind.)

Then...as he and his sister are eating bed time snacks, and he finds out that she doesn't have to brush tonite because she got paint on fluoride at the dentist today and he does need to brush because he got tray kind of fluoride, he loses his shit and starts sobbing....

It's not fair!!!

You wish you didn't have to brush?

Yeah!! I'm not going to brush. It's not fair! She doesn't have to brush so I don't want to brush either! crying.

(I can hear The Voice in my own head...Well, life isn't fair, kid. Suck it up. That's just the way it is. Get a grip. No clue where that comes from and don't need to know. What I do know is that the first response is the unconscious one and pausing is the greatest tool in my parenting tool kit, so, I pause.)

(I also notice how much I want to let him off the hook from brushing because of the intensity of his emotions, and sometimes I do. Something stops me tonite...something tells me that it's more important to hold firm on the brushing thing so that he can let more of these feelings out, ride this wave of sadness, and that if I tell him he doesn't have to brush that I will be short changing him on this opportunity for release. I thank Chris White for these helpful thoughts. So I stick with empathy and some clarifying information.)

Saschy is younger so she had the paint on fluoride and you are older so you had the tray fluoride. The dentist said that the paint on fluoride person  doesn't brush at night and that the tray fluoride person does. When you were younger you had paint on fluoride and when she is older she will have tray fluoride.

It's not fair! I don't want to brush tonite. Does she have to floss?

No and you don't have to floss either.

Oh. But it's not fair. (crying crying crying)

You have different experiences. Life is different for each of you, it's not the same. Remember when you had the cupcake at school and she didn't?

(Ok, so this isn't exactly empathy, it is definitely more explaining, yet I was calm when saying it and not frustrated, or wanting him to get over his feelings about it, which I do sometimes and certainly realize  is NOT empathic. My bodysense was empathy here, while I was giving information. I could sense he was waiting to see if I would change my mind so I wanted to be clear that I would not in order for him to move past the negotiation phase and deeper into his feelings. I was aware of keeping my words as neutral and truthful as possible. I was aware of trusting his resilience, his ability to handle "the way things are" in this scenerio.)

You are feeling pretty sad, huh? You don't want to brush. You want it to be the same for you and Saschy.

Yeah...(crying more softly). She might need to brush next time.

Yes she might.

Then it pretty much flowed from there. Elliott brushed his own teeth and showed me how he brushed all the way around the molars and that's why the dentist thought his teeth looked so healthy. We got stories and went to bed.

Parenting with Empathy...there is a whole lot to this. It's a beautiful, consciousness raising practice. I am never regretful when I step into empathy.  Read more here

Magical Mothering Home Course SPECIAL

Happy Friday!

For this weekend only, purchase the Magical Mothering Home Course for only $25 (regularly $59) AND that's not all! With your purchase, your name will be entered into a draw for one FREE Life Coaching session by phone with me (regularly $90)!

The Magical Mothering Home Course is a 46 page PDF document which I will email to you. It is loaded with inspired guidance for living your life from a stance of SELF FRIENDSHIP.

If you are interested in exploring this material with a group of kindred spirits in a telephone group coaching format, then consider the upcoming Magical Mothering Teleclass.

Magical Mothering Teleclass

$125 for eight week session

Wednesdays 11am-12pm MST, March 21-May 8

Eating Boogers

I love kids...

 

 

Mom, why is your butt sticking out?

Because I'm stretching my back and hamstrings.

You mean ham and cheese strings. We all eat ham and cheese strings.

Saschy...3 years old.

 

Eating Boogers

 

Mom, you don't need to bring any snacks

on our walk today because

I will just eat my boogers

when I get hungry.

Sascha, age 3 1/2

Oh the amazing things that children say...sometimes funny, often shockingly honest, enough to wake us from our immersion in the dream of adult-ness.  It is so clear that they come from somewhere else, that they haven't had their feet planted in this physical realm for all that long, and that they have much to remind us of. 

Allow me to serve you

I'm excited, ready, here. Elliott started school in January and in the blink of an eye, the flow of my days, not to mention my identity, shifted. Funny how tied up we get in thinking we actually are the circumstances of our lives.  I've watched myself feel and react in all kinds of ways...clinging, wanting, detesting, fearing, embracing, delighting, and even enjoying this big change.

The thing is, he loves it. How can I not love his love? In spite of at least one week where I was pretty much pulling out every enticing bribe I could think of to get him to return to homeschooling, we are all finding our groove with this.

And you know what? I'm discovering some damn awesome things. Saschy, being who she is, wants her own school and so a few days a week she is going to a friend's waldorf-inspired playgroup/preschool leaving me with me.

Whoa.

When space happens, how interesting it is to see what comes flooding in, sprouting seeds which lay dormant through those years of babes in arms. Which brings me back to this...

I'm excited, ready, here.

My passionate love of being with people deeply, guiding personal transformation, listening with all my heart and soul to another's energy, blocks, and joys, now has space to flourish. Life Coaching.

Allow me to serve you.

Much love has gone into these offerings. I do hope you will join me for some or more of what you see below. Email me or simply leave comments if you have any questions or want more information. You will know what's right for you. I bow to your biggest self and invite all of who you are to show up everywhere, always.

Individual Life Coaching by Phone

$90/session

Sessions are 45 minutes. Bring whatever is going on for you to the call. Problems or situations you want some solution for, struggles you are having, or simply the desire for greater well-being and deeper aliveness. Career, relationships, health, wealth, meaning, and everything else is up for exploration. It may only take one session to experience the shift you desire.

Monthly Individual Life Coaching

$300/month

Here's a little financial break for you if you know that you want regular sessions. Sign up month by month and receive 4 sessions (one/week) with me.

Once you've paid, we will email to schedule.

Individual Life Coaching by Email

$50/email

Once you've paid for the session, I will email you a set of questions which will focus our communication and enable you to get the most out of your session. You will receive a detailed personal response that you can refer back to over time, allowing you to continue to receive benefits.

Group Life Coaching by Phone

$25/session

First Monday of every month from 10:00am to 11:00am MST, beginning March 5th

These sessions will focus on whatever shows up. There is synergy and magic when a group comes together: we glean important nudges in our own lives when we are listening to others and give this gift when they are listening to us. Bring yourself as you are and walk away more awake to what matters to you, ready to take action in your own life (which sometimes means less action).

Magical Mothering by Phone

$125 for eight week session

Wednesdays 11am-12pm MST, March 21-May 8

Let's explore the curriculum of Magical Mothering together by phone, with connection and support that will feel alive with present-moment-ness. This class is about befriending ourselves, for our own sake and for the sake of our children. Self-friendship is the rich soil from which our best life blooms. Its importance cannot be underestimated, its presence is all too rare. When you become your own best friend, your life changes, effortlessly. Come and be with me on this...I continue to grow from this work.

YES!

An inspired eight week teleclass.

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Mondays 11:30-12:30 MST, April 9-May 28

What do you say YES to? Is it what you truly want? Is it in your best interest, really? Is it to your deepest, truest longings you give the big nod? Is it what you were put on this Earth for? What would happen if you only said YES to those things which are absolutely YES, and not to the maybe's, or the no's? When you let every obstacle to your absolute YES choices melt away, what shows up? What happens to your thoughts, feelings, body, life circumstances?

We are each a unique physical manifestation of Life expressing itself. The body-sense of YES is our compass, our true indicator of who we are meant to be. YES is our guide, more than shoulds and supposed to's. In this course, we will learn what YES sounds like, feels like, looks like for each of us. We will start by saying YES to beauty, ease, movement, connection, fun, poise, truth, and kindness. From there, you will have the tools to live a YES life, one that is open to what shows up and aware of your own creative authority in shaping your every experience.

one whole day

On Sunday, I arranged for the kids to go to the neighbor's for the morning and then to a friend's house for the afternoon. One whole day apart. It was a first for us. 

They were ecstatic, holding their lunches in little brown bags with handles for maybe 40 minutes in the morning, running to the clock on the stove and then running back to me to report every minute change. Chomping at the bit to be off on their big adventure with people they adore. They didn't want me to walk them next door so when the time came, they blew me kisses goodbye and off they tromped out the door, through the gate, and running down the sidewalk. 

My feelings were more mixed. And then, I settled in to this space, going for a beautiful hike in the sparkling snow, then home for a relaxing afternoon. I haven't been sleeping well, so I even dozed for awhile. What I noticed was this softness in my belly that isn't usually there. Apparently, I feel a constant hum of stress in my belly when I am with them, ushering them here and there, containing them when we are out, herding and hoping when we need to get things done. With them gone, and happy, my insides got quiet. 

I have no clue where I got the idea that it is "bad" to need a "break" from mothering. Maybe it was just that I feel so deeply in love with them that for so long I didn't want to be away for even a minute.  But I have clung to that notion for too long, even feeling irritated by others' needing time away from their kids (making them "bad" too?). Sheesh. Maybe a part of me has been afraid that if I get time away I won't ever want to be with them every day again. Judging seems to have a boomerang effect...it always comes back to me in some way, usually me noticing myself do/want/need the VERY thing that I was judging others for. Huh.

It was a good day. For everyone. They didn't want to leave when I went to pick them up. Everyone was ready for this adventure apart. It was a healing day for me, and I was happy to be with them again.

Oh life...what a trip. Thanks for this juicy ride, so full of suprises and wonders.